Friday, September 19, 2008

Sad...

I am just now home after the healing service for my friend...and I feel sad...not sure there are words for it or explanation as to why but I feel it all the way down to my toes. Just a melancholy...a want to have a good old cry and not come up for air...and as someone who has spent so much time surrounded by so many people I feel very alone...and so very not understood. Not validated and accepted and honored at a level that I strive to honor so many others...not at the level where you just love someone just because...I think I am just tired...more than just a sleepy tired but just very tired of trying to wrap my head around so many big feelings and ideas and plans and questions...I am officially exhausted!!! Thinking and being on and trying to be so much to so many is truly tiring work and I need a break...I think I need pampering and I think very, very selfishly after all I have seen and been through, I need to be taken care of and babyed... and in the scheme of the world as a whole I have been through very little just right now it feel so much bigger...sigh...

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