Well my ladies started into their activities for the year. I must say we have chosen well this year. Ella is back in gymnastics and to watch her grow and change and learn is astounding. Seeing her channel her "Ellaness" into something that fits is really a great feeling for me. Watching as she came down the tumble track there was this big glowing smile from her eyes all the way out. She really loves it there. And when we are taking a session off she asks everyday when she can go back.
And the biggest new activity is Bronwyn's horseback riding. She decided not to sign up for dance this year and said she would like to try some new things, like pottery, yoga, or horseback riding. Well the kids yoga class I was hoping for isn't offered at a time where I can get her there so I made some calls and added and subtracted a few times (horseback riding is not cheap!!) and committed to a month of lessons. Yesterday was the first one. Bronwyn has had this love of horses for a couple of years now. She watches shows on them, reads about them, and pretends to be one...(I think I remember a lot of girls in elementary school going through this phase) So we arrived about 30 min. early yesterday and Bronwyn was gasping and oohing as soon as we turned down the driveway. She was just so at peace and contented to wander around the barns and look at the other horses. Mind you this peace gave her openings to ask me some very big and difficult questions like what is prayer, how is your friend doing (the friend whose son committed suicide), how is the dad doing...that must be hard...she just has this deeper, older insight to the world that I am not sure I possess now at 37!!! So I try to bring things down to tell her in a way that leaves openings for her to one day decide what feels right to her and what she believes. And then the lesson occured. She was so very much glowing. She was so in the moment and completely happy. It really is awesome to know you are able to give your children something that compliments them and touches something so deep inside. Look at the smiles as she and Sonny make their rounds. She is so energized by the idea that she can spend time on this farm and just hang out there and be around it all. She is ready to work and says she has to keep pinching herself because it still feels like a dream. She even said she would rather be in those barns than watching TV. All this from one hour spent at the farm!!
And then on the way home my sage young lady says to me, "Mommy, you have this beautiful smile when you look at Ella and I. What makes you smile like that? I love that smile. " And tears formed in my eyes. As I struggled to find words for all the emotions and thoughts that bring that smile the one I feel to my core. I told her it is because I feel at that moment so full of love I feel I might burst. And that I am amazed by her and her sister at how they are growing into such interesting people. That I am proud to know them and get to be with them. And to this she says "We amaze you?" And I choke up a little bit and can only say "Oh yes!"
How she is so wise and so in tune I can't even begin to understand. She knows and sees more than I do. She just gets it and leaves me sitting with my jaw dropped and my mind all muddled up. So a little glow for all us ladies this week!!
And on this day 7 yrs ago I remember coming home from the hardest day of work ever, I am an air traffic controller for those who may not have known, and losing it and reaching out for my yummy little baby and pulling her close in gratefulness and to refill on what was still good in the world. So many reflections and thoughts of healing on this sad date.