Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Where did December go???

Where did December go??? Why oh why did my Christmas Spirit fail me so?? I wasn't a Scrooge but Bah Humbug fit me much more better than Ho Ho Ho. I did gift, I did make some things, I did decorate, I socialized, I santa'd, I caroled, I tried so very hard to breathe...but this year it just didn't come. I felt like I was moving through December in some kind of bubble...I could see it all I could appreciate it all I just couldn't feel it all...
I don't quite know what happened. I do know that those two by the igloo and me and that Irishman in the bottom photo are getting on a plane on Friday and winging our way to Ireland. Once again I should be excited and looking forward to a trip many people only dream about, but I am tired so very, very tired. I am simply numb. I am hoping when all the pressure of the holiday and getting everyone ready for the trip is over that I will relax and have a truly wonderful trip...it is Ireland and they are Irish people so all the potential for laughing and letting go and moving on are really there. Just will I be??
And not helping any of this emotional stuff is my back. I am not even comfortably couched. I have meds that work but cannot work with the meds...so am hoping I can get myself back onto an even footing that the pain can be managed so as not to eclipse so much good. But tonight it is a gianormous eclipse over the good...I really just want to cry...and now the Irishman has the weather on and it looks like weather might mess up our trip just a bit more...I am not sure my normally strong self has much coping left...think I could come up with a big ole two year old sized temper tantrum but not much resignation and peace with any impending situations...sigh...I will keep shovelling!!
Hope you all are having a truly restful and very happy holiday season! Hope to give a bit of an update once we get across the pond...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Feed me...

There are people in the world that feed you...both literally and figuratively. They make you reach higher, they fill you with light, they heal you, they just love you in your entirety whatever that might be. Well I am fortunate that two of those people in my life came to my house today to share our Christmas. We had waffles with fried apples and roasted walnuts and almonds, tea and coffee and curled up on the couch and opened pressies and listened to lovely music as the incense filled the air with the scent of peace. I find these two always feed my spirit. They pick gifts that remind me through the year what I want in my world. The feeling of peace and contentment I so crave. And they gift to grow that feeling...it feels like Christmas/the Holidays to me once we have had our tea date. My home begs to be decorated for Christmas and it never feels like it has been honored until company comes in for a cup of tea and a goodie or two... I am so grateful that these ladies are in my life and thankful I am able to call them friends.

Happy Holidays to all may you have a friend you can call on for tea and snuggly times.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Quiet...

The quiet that happens this time of year, you know the one, when the decorations are up...the lights and candles lit...that time when you can put on the Holiday music and curl up on your favorite chair with a snuggly blankie and a cup of tea and just breathe it all in...and take a break from the swirl of Holiday events and activities and just soak in the quiet...the peace...the beginning of Winter. The time for rest and reflections on where you have come from and where you are going to. A time to think on all those we love, have loved, and a time of gratitude for all the blessings we truly find ourselves with. I know I get consumed with all the external events, people, places, and feelings, so I truly need a seasonal kick in the pants to look around and see how really, really, good my life is!! May you all find a moment out of the craziness to soak in some quiet and enjoy all your hard work you have done all year. Holiday wishes for blessings and peace.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


So, Bronwyn took part in a program called Girls On the Run. It is set up to empower girls and help them work as a team to meet the goal to run a 5K while learning about body image issues, treating themselves with respect, and healthy living. It is sponsored by Shelterhouse our local domestic violence center. In order to run in this event, my little lady had to have a running buddy. She asked me. I was honored and scared. I am not a runner. I have done it but am not a runner. Then I got sick for most of the practice season and that just added to my fear. So on November 19th I layered up, put on my running shoes, and went with one determined young lady to see what my unfit, unpracticed body could accomplish. Lo and behold...I finished! We walked some or I might have died but we finished the whole thing in 45 minutes so for one non-runner and one 8 yr. old I am pretty proud of that! And all this done to lead in the Santa Parade, culminating in my lovely girl getting a medal and Santa finally making his way downtown!! So if you think you can't do something, if it scares you to think it, then maybe just maybe that is the one thing you absolutely need to be out there doing!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Horse Show

Bronwyn had her first horse "show". It was a learning show so the kids could get used to how a show runs and what is expected of them. The folks who organize it also make sure that every kid gets a ribbon for every event they participate in. And although Bronwyn looked completely overwhelmed and lost, she got up there, she rode, she hung on, and she completed her events with a big ole smile. And those two ribbons she brought home were better than gold to her. A lifetime of self-confidence in the making! Way to go Bronwyn! Keep reaching, keep trying, and most of all keep smiling!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

This one...

Yep this goofy, little, monkey of a child is now SIX as of yesterday!!! Might I remind you that this is in fact my baby!!! And my baby is now SIX!!!!!!!!! I am not sure what happened to the time...where it went...how it flew...how it slipped so quickly through my fingers...but what I know without a doubt is how very fortunate we are to have her in our world to make us laugh and smile and embrace our inner goofiness. May the world bring you much laughter and giggles in return my wonderful little monkey!! And wish us luck the big shindig is tomorrow night. She wanted a Music party complete with dancing, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Miley Cyrus.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Blissed Out Posse

I recently had a friend who was angry and in the process of departing our circle of friends, who in agitation said "you and your blissed out posse". At first I was hurt, as anyone who is being left by a friend of many years would be, but in retrospect I rolled that phrase around in my head and found I liked it. I liked it a lot. I kind of think it is a pretty awesome thing to be part of a "Blissed Out Posse". I mean how many people nowadays find much bliss? How many give themselves over to happy? Far too few in my very humble opinion.
And as I thought about the women who make up this posse, I am awed and blessed to call each of them my friend. How fortunate I am in this busy, crazy, negative world to find these ladies seeking to be the best them they can be. Ladies who would open their arms and take you in if that is what you needed, ladies who support each other, ladies who nuture each other, ladies who will feed you mentally and literally, ladies who provide each other with a safe place to blossom, ladies who find the importance to take time out to giggle, and dance and be a little goofy. As moms, daughters, friends, girlfriends, wives, career women, domestic engineers...you can get lost in all those roles and titles and lose sight of who you were and where you wanted to be going. So if I can say, I think being in a Blissed Out Posse should be a goal for everyone.
When was the last time you felt or recognized bliss? For me it comes in stolen small moments. The smell of coffee...bliss
Good music, candles, incense and a book to read...bliss
The smell of dinner cooking...bliss
The feel of snuggling into the blankies for an afternoon nap...bliss
The feel of a hot cup of tea in my favorite mug...bliss
Taking a walk and seeing and feeling the season...bliss
Losing myself in yoga...bliss
Laughing like I was five over goofy humor with silly friends...bliss
Dancing like I am 20 and not worrying about the world...bliss
So it comes even in little forms... and sometimes it is your perspective and how you slant your world that bring it. I think everyone, especially us girls, need a time out for some bliss. Life isn't or shouldn't always be analyzing and dissecting and looking for problems and placing blame and well a job or chore...sometimes it just needs a little carefree bliss.
So to my Posse thank you for loving me and supporting me and giggling with me. To those of you outside our group...you are always welcome but you must love laughter, goofiness, and have a little peace for yourself... And to you who left, thank you for showing me my blessings.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Time for Yoga

(Guest blogger Bronwyn back again this evening!!)

Hi it's me Bronwyn. I am here to tell you about yoga. Me and my mom do yoga. It's
so fun and cool!!! We also have a very good teacher her name is Meshle. When we
go to yoga we have so much fun.
Love,Bronwyn OOO

Monday, October 19, 2009

My Mom

(Today I have a guest blogger named Bronwyn this is her first post in the blogging world!! She requested the above picture so I am not just being vain really I am not!!)
My mom is amazing she can take care of two children. And she is so cool !!! I
just love my mom . And I get to see her a lot !!! And she is very buteful.
She is also very strong girl. I love her becaues she love's me!!! I also love her.
I am so glad to have her as my mom.
Love, Bronwyn McCoy. OOO

Friday, October 9, 2009

Fall drive

Sometimes when you aren't feeling the best, there can still be some really great moments that remind you life is really not so bad. My drive north to teach my class was dreaded this month as I have a flu/cold bug. But I didn't want to cancel because I am only up there once a month. So I packed up and jumped in the beetle and made my way north. I went straight to Beulah beach and listened to the water tickle the shore, then I got to the incredible studio and immersed myself in the peace of it all (I even managed to choreograph a bit), the class was lovely the women are incredible, I woke up early (darn cold!!) and slipped back over to the beach where I enjoyed rich, dark cup of coffee and a scone...I sat enjoying fall's chill and read for awhile...then I wandered up into town bought a few pressies, went to the fantastic Gwen Frostic Printer's, and meandered my way home stopping for mums and oogling the fall colors on the way...once home the ladies were antsy hoping to go out for pizza. So I pulled myself off the comfy couch, and we went for pizza and a wander through the downtown to see the scarecrows. It was a good evening. Even though I now sit on the couch spent and aching and stuffy with work worry on my mind and an inability to breathe through the future...life has big tests for us sometimes and I just am not up to the next one...I am quite disgruntled and upset and hoping I make peace with it all quickly!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Big Girls Room

This one is a bit blurry but look they have a floor!!!

So the new arrangement in the girls room was all sparked by this desk above that I got for free at a garage sale. It was painted black, over, blue, over white...you get the idea. But Bronwyn had been asking for a real desk, somehow my big third grader was no longer able to fold herself into the little tykes desk (not with lack of trying mind you). John put a new top on the desk and added an extension that is hinged and can fold down on the end to accomodate Ella. They spent most of yesterday evening organizing things in drawers and setting it all up. Bronwyn's first words were "Can I do my homework here?!!!" Which in true first born fashion, she sat down and finished before she got too involved in the rest.
I wandered in there this morning and it hit me hard...this is not longer a little girls' room...it has morphed overnight into a big girls' room. Well outside of the clouds still on the ceiling and the stars on the wall, which my Bronwyn is requesting a new paint job she has ideas and plans this one! And before the life that is two young ladies, takes over and destroys it all I wanted to capture the shift and change. My heart ached just a little to see the board books replaced by chapter books, and the coloring books replaced by journals and writing. The clothing is no longer whimsical but fashionable...my babies are growing up. All those times going into that room to soothe someone crying, or for a nighttime nursing....standing in the doorway just to get one more peek at them before bedtime...makes me just a little melancholy...but very proud at the same time. We are raising two unique, incredible young ladies that bring us smiles, frustrations, and challenges who make our days full and our hearts doubly so!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Truck...

Did anyone see the truck that ran me over?? I think this may have been the one! I have washed hands, chloroxed keyboards and handsets, I have yoga'd and tea'd hoping to dodge the ick. And darn it all if it hasn't arrived anyway to plow me over and make me want to curl up in the fetal position and not come out for a very long time. And cap that off with a little emotional angst and a few tears and I am a big ball of junk! So once I heal and journal and smudge and have myself a little pity party I shall be back. But if you see this truck get its license plate number!!

Monday, September 28, 2009


Sometimes you come home and you find Raggedy Anne having her own little party in the blue room tamborine and all...then you wonder what happened to Andy?
May everyone find a little time to have a little party all of their own!!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Being a grown up

No one tells you that being a grown up is such hard work. Once you feel like you have a really good groove going life throws you twists and turns and new paths and openings. Things you didn't know you wanted or could even be possible...things you can't wrap your head around and you have to make it work somehow. You have to find a way to keep yourself going down the path and not just stop and sit down in the middle of it and let it swirl all around you. Even though you really want to have a big ole two year old size tantrum in the middle of the path it is now your job to stand up dust yourself off and keep on following the twists to see where you will end up. No one will or can do it for you as much as you would like them to. And all you can do is believe with all you got that it is for a reason...that growth will come...that the a-ha moment is right around one of those bends...and try to keep breathing deep, light the incense, and bury yourself inside yourself to see what it all might mean...and be open to the idea there really is a reason in it all you just have to continue the journey to see the bigger picture...but sometimes just sometimes I think it might be nice to not be a grown up...

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Ella's New Smile

Our Ella has yet another new smile! At age five she has been through many goofy incarnations in the smiling world. Now she has a tooth, gap, tooth, gap pattern going on! It feels like everyday for months she has been in the process of losing a tooth or two. Once one makes it's way free another is loosening up for the journey. And now her little mouth seems too small to house so many grown up chompers. I can see some orthodontics in our future. She takes it in stride although she has been a little hesitant to show us her big smile so with some cheerleading by her Dad and I she let us get a couple of shots of that silly little smile that just as all the others have will change and grow and be gone before we even remember what happened.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Guess what....

I got to spend the whole day with these people!!! The ever incredible Irishman (who likes me said all giggly and teenager like), the little monster baby (who is not so much a baby any more), and my very wise elderstatesman... It was nice to just be with them. No agendas, no timelines, just no hurry. Exploring the world as a family. Sometimes life just gets in the middle of all this and I forget just how very lucky I am and just how very much I like these people I live with. They are each very unique and each such a very important part of my story! It is so good to reconnect and remember exactly why and how much I love them! Hoping everyone gets a day to reconnect with the people they love soon!!