Tuesday, April 30, 2013


    My Mom and Dad always told my brother and I that you do not talk about religion or politics in polite company.  Of course being a kid, I was like "uh-ok" wondering why on earth you would ever want to talk about those things with anyone any way.  I mean there was music and boys and clothes to discuss why would I want to talk about dry and boring religion and politics??

    What happened to smart people like my parents?  What happened to that value of relationships that you would leave hot topics alone?  And more to the point why is this the basis of ending a relationship when you are twelve??

     The past few weeks my lovely twelve year old has had the topic of religion, particularly hers, hit her hard in her core.  She was approached by two "friends" of her little boyfriend and told that he was breaking up with her because she was an "atheist and the Bible prohibited them from being together."  This passed and the little boyfriend defended her then, yet today he broke up with my girl.  This I expected.  They are 12.  It is a reality not a shock.  However, he told her he couldn't be with her because of her religion that it wasn't right what she believed. 

     I am really and truly upset by this.  More so than my old soul of a child, who wisely said she didn't want to be with anyone ever that would hurt her like that and that they just weren't worth it.  ( I still do not have this clarity she has.)  First, I do not tolerate ignorance well.  And these boys are spewing things they have heard elsewhere and have no idea of what they speak.  My child is not an atheist.  She is a seeker.  She is finding her way on her OWN spiritual path.  Not one that her Dad or I have chosen for her.  She is talked to and her questions answered honestly.  She is given opportunities to read and experience the world.  She is taught morals, she is taught honesty, she is taught to treat others as she would like to be treated.  She is a truly upstanding human.  I to my core believe the world could use many more people like this young lady who is kind and giving and nurturing.  This girl who stands up for others and takes on the world.  Secondly, she does believe.  The who, to me does not matter.  The fact she has a connection to something bigger than herself and finds comfort in that is enough for me.  That she feels drawn to her insides and what is in there and that she expresses those thoughts and emotions with respect for others is hugely important to me as her mother.  Thirdly, it is absolutely no other students business what her religion is.  It has absolutely nothing to do with them.  Religion is so very personal how on earth can any of us say that the way you believe is wrong as long as that way is moral and honorable and harms no one else in the process???  Religion helps us find our way in this big, crazy world.  It gives comfort for the all those things that do not make sense.  It cannot be one size fits all as none of us are the same. 

    In my life, I am guilty of judging others, I believe it is a human condition, but I am working on it.  I accept that other people might do and experience their world differently than I do, and overall I think that is a good thing, but as a type A I would love everyone to be me and agree with me!!  However I am open to differences.  I am open to those in this world who believe differently than I do.  And I TEACH my children to never isolate someone based on those differences.  So it really hurts me that in allowing her to grow into who she needs to be spiritually I have set her up to be out casted and attacked, by (this is me judging right now) those very people whose religion professes they should do none of these things.  I have issue with selective practice.  If you are going to talk the talk to someone I believe you should be walking the walk to use a cliche.  If you are truly confident in your religion shouldn't you want to lift us up with it not shame us with it?? 

    When I talked to my sage child this evening, I said maybe in the future you don't tell them everything maybe you just agree so that you aren't a target...and she says "But that is a lie.  I want people who accept me for who I really am."  Out of the mouths of babes there is a truth.  And I encourage you all to take the time to step back and begin to accept people.  To stop taking what works for you and broad brushing the rest of us.  For it is you who will lose out in the end by shutting out beautiful souls like my daughter, in her I see incredible things for the world.  In her honesty and her maturity.  I am holding out hope that one day someone really just amazing will see that in her and honor her for it as their partner. 

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Heart stirred...

There is something about music, specifically live music, that does something to my very soul.  I know that sounds extreme and a little corny but I do truly mean it.  I have such a visceral response to music played live. It rings to my core and makes me feel so many different things.  The biggest is gratefulness that there are people who feel, and write, and play this music that touches something inside me.  These people who are not superstars but still keep putting themselves out there for those of us seeking and wishing we had the the voice.  These people who give us voice. 

I drag my poor Irishman to so many events just to support these voices these talents these wonderful folks who do something I soooo cannot do.  To show them their voices have importance.  I am thankful there are musicians and that there are people who believe they have a place and a value.  And that my little town actually draws talent and supports those who are on their journey to finding their voice.  I am always in awe the talent that lurks at the end of my little street.  The opportunities to discover voices and songs.  To experience the package of the words, oh how I have always been a sucker for good words, and a tune. 

I have always had music in my background growing up.  My parents took us as kids to all kinds of live events.  And also growing up Irish there is a tie to that sound to that art.  There is an appreciation for songwriters and performers.  How many afterhours events I was at where the shushing began early to show respect to the talent.  You were NOT allowed to speak or distract from the performer who was giving of themselves in front of you.  You were expected to give complete respect to the bravery and the gift.  There is sooooo much of that lost here in America.  So much lost from that.  So little respect paid to people who give from their being to you.  Whether it is your style or your genre there is a respect for that gift for that voice.  To be in a place that allows for that expression and encourages it.  To be an audience for something that really is bigger than what it seems.  Music is a journey.  A path through all that you experience during this human condition.  It is there in the pain, the memory, the love, the lows, the highs, the silliness all that are this one life you live and share.  To have that voice that direct connection to the spirit and to share that voice with others is beyond a gift. 

I am ever, ever grateful that there are folks working to show us this path and lead us on this journey.  Folks who work soooooo very hard to pull it together and fund this craft.  And folks who make it easy for everyday folks like me to soar.  Thank you musicians.  Your importance in this world is often overlooked but it is my one woman quest to drum up support for your efforts and your voice.

Sunday, April 14, 2013


Loss...the world around me this week has been so full of loss that it has been hard to breathe.   None of this loss has been mine or my family's gratefully.  Yet the losses have been large and heartwrenching.

The kinds of loss that make you question your core and who you are and who you surround yourself with.  Is it really important?  Will it even matter after you are gone?  What can I change now while I have time?  What can I do differently??  How can I help these people in their grief?  Is there anything at all that my small voice can do to help them heal and help them find peace? 

How do these families move on in the world and still breathe and still find joy?  How do they ever allow themselves to feel again??  Thankfully there has been time with my little family.  Time to snuggle and giggle, although I have felt guilty doing so in the face of what all is going on for others.  I have had my ladies close to me and held them and talked to them.  And soaked up all that is good in our home. 

I have lit candles.  I have prayed.  I have sent healing over and over and over hoping to impact some small relief on all those hurting hearts.  And I have given thanks that we are all together in our space surrounding ourselves in us.   So please for me, on this day, take time to breathe in your good.  Be grateful for your now. 

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Looking for the positive...

As our government battles itself over money that is imaginary and already spent, there are many people in many jobs hoping to survive.  I and my Air Traffic Control counterparts being some of those people. 

Yesterday, I received my official furlough notice.  This was to tell me that between April and September of this year I will be off and therefore not paid for a total of eleven days.  I will say now that I am grateful that I will continue to have employment and will continue to collect some of my paycheck.  Yet I do not know too many people who enter into such a time without some worry.  What shouldn't I do right now?  What should I cancel?  We also have to contend with, any days off we take during this period will be unpaid even if they are our guranteed by contract vacation time.  This is hard.  To know I will have to cancel that time.  To say no to some escape. 

But I am trying to spin this in my head, I am looking at it as some extra time in my home with my family.  My healthy family... my family that bring me laughter... my family that bring joy bubbling up inside me... my home that needs my love... my home that needs my time... I am looking at this time as a potential gift for more of the things I put aside and put off.  I am guessing that though the money will be missed now and in my retirement, that the time gained will be what I need that I just hadn't seen how much.

I am sending juju to the warring factions of our government that they make peace with one another and keep all of us working and productive and that they have this sorted so that this does not grow into something bigger.  The impacts could be huge for us all.  So please all learn to play nice and stop being so headstrong neither of you are 100% right and in between there is a common truth.

Sunday, March 3, 2013


I always had idealistic notions of what Sundays would be like as a family.  Always imagined Sunday papers and sitting around reading and coffee and then filling traditional dinners where we all get to be together and leave refilled with conversation and comfort for the week ahead.

This year having weekends off like a real person, I am slowly discovering the beauty of Sunday.  Today was perfect.  We all stayed in our snuggly clothes, and had company in who we haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with, we snuggled in quilts and read, there was coffee, then I even found time in the kitchen to feed us.  We gathered at our table for talks and giggles and touching base and prepping for the week ahead. 

I am very blessed and content.  Sunday is shaping up to be a really great day!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Feelin' Good

I really can't explain how grateful I am right now.  I went to yoga tonight, our community center has finally added yoga to it's fitness schedule.  Thankfully, they hired an incredible teacher who really seems to love yoga and sharing it with us all.  She is patient.  She is calm.  She is insightful.  She is adaptive. 

I have stumbled around in her class through some of the ick.  And never quite come to a peace I was hoping for.  But now there is this Wednesday night class which is a mix of all levels and the teacher embraces the middle of the work week eveningness of it and she is pampering us and nourishing us. 

But tonight, she always asks if there is anything we need to work on and any tight spots or sore spots, I almost cried and must have glowed...tonight for the first time in my recent memory when I did a quick overall scan of my body, I could say nope.  I FEEL GOOD!!!  Me I said those words!!  And I meant it! 

So tonight's practice felt like a gift.  I love the energy and the faces that come into that space.  And I love that it is my little midweek gift to me.  Thank you thank you thank you universe for putting this right at my doorstep.  Yep me thinks health is a great word for my new year!  I am on a comeback!!

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Coming Back

It has been a long time since I have visited my little space.  I would like to have more time here so with hopes of words to come I am back today. 

I have been a little out of sorts for a while.  My body seemed to have a tantrum and threw my groove.  As I have said before life with pain is a challenge.  You lose some of yourself and who you want to be in the world in the process.  Mentally, it is like climbing a very big mountain with no equipment. 

But I made steps, with nudges and encouragement from dear friends, and I am now in the process of working with a naturopath to fix me.  And I must say it feels sooooo good to feel again.  To want to laugh and be able to laugh and be able to see and hear and be touched by the world I move in.  I am grateful to have hope and be on a path to peace and joy.  I have things to do in this world and I am glad to be on a path that will give me a whole person to do them all.

This year I picked the word HEALTH for my word of the year.  I see this as a very life encompassing word.  My physical health, my mental, my financial, my home, my environment.  I am forgiving myself and making time and budget to allow for the things I need to restore me to whole.  I am opening myself to listening and awareness of my inner voice and my bodies needs. 

I need to do soooo many things and add much more into my plan.  When the pain came I lost my groove for exercise and am still trying to find my way back.  Also my eating took a dive, when you don't feel good plans and food prep seem like Mt. Everest.  But I am working on my patience and trying to see this as a journey not an instant gratification event.  I am not good at this, never have been, I want results and yesterday, this thought needs to shift as well so I can truly be healthy.  Right now, while I fix my taxed system and get it on the road to recovery, some things have to take a backseat to be added later.  If you know me at all you know that slowing down is really not in my vocabulary.  But I am trying to just accept it all day by day, moment by moment. 

So far, I have made a schedule shift that has led me to less stress and more sleep.  It also gave me back some things I was missing that brought me contentment and joy, think book club and kid time.  I have been doing what will equate to 12 sessions, at 6 now of hydrotherapy come on organs kick it with me!!  I have an infared sauna purchased to keep detoxing and healing this aching being I live in.  I am being choosy about who gets my time and when I say yes.  (This will continually be a work in progress).  I have gotten my behind back on my yoga mat at least once a week, this needs to increase but see baby steps.  I am making goals to get at least 30min of exercise of varied forms into my daily routine, right now that is inconsistent but trying to not "Sheila" it and let it happen.  I have added supplements (yes I always protested ingesting any extra into my body I am learning) and so far I feel like they have made me a much improved unit.  I have also added green juice back into my daily life.    I have goals for meal planning, dry brushing, and finding even more quiet and reflection time, also watching for any opportunity to laugh. My new question for myself is, "is this healthy for me?  Does it do anything to promote my goal of health??"

I want to really express my gratitude to all the friends and family that have stayed by my side still seeing me and who I am when I did not.  All of you who have lifted me up and loved me any way even when I really couldn't return the favor, you are all so beyond incredible.  I am blessed to have so many people who truly love me.  Also thanks to the universe who has thrown the right people in my path on this process old and new. 

So let me tell you, no matter what you have going on there is a way.  There is a path for you, you just have to pay attention and listen to yourself to find it.  My wish for you is that you surround yourselves in gentle thoughts and realize moment by moment is still forward movement and I am proud of you!!