Monday, October 24, 2011

Giddy again...

Sometimes in life we find ourselves seeing things and people anew.  We get lucky and open our eyes and realize we want to giggle.  And that giggle, if we are very, very lucky, is caused by the first person that made us giddy in this world.  The person who instigated, letter writing, daydreaming, poetry binges, tea for two, lightheadedness, silliness, goofiness, and a longing that defined who we became.  A person who has been there to hold our hand and cheer us on in all those lifetime events that could conceivably drag us under.  A person who saw something we might never have glimpsed in our self. 
And bam...twice in one lifetime...giddiness...thank you my Irishman...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Food...Blog Action Day

This year's Blog Action Day topic really hits home hard for me on sooooo many levels!  I feel like I truly spend most of my breathing hours tracking down, healthy, organic, identifiable ingredient made, foods for my family.  In our little part of the universe, there isn't a Whole Foods or a Trader Joe's to pop into.  The local supermarkets carry tiny bits of organic and non-scary foods, but if I want variety or produce that doesn't look like all it's nutritional value has already passed away 2 weeks ago, I have to hunt.  If I want convenience foods that aren't going to kill us all and the environment by their mere existence, I must read, contemplate, search, seek...and what I find in one market one week doesn't mean it will be restocked or they will continue to carry it in future weeks so it never ever ends.

I have joined buying clubs, CSA's, I visit my farmers markets...but I work at it.  I read.  I call.  I plot.  I ask friends with extras.  I am EXHAUSTED!!

And what I think mostly is that I have the time to do this.  I have the resources (mostly) to make some of this happen.  But why should I be in an elite group when it comes to food?   Why should my financial comfort be the only reason I can provide these things for my family? 

I am upset (this is the most understated thing I have probably ever said) that my government, when they choose to "help" folks who need a boost with food give them preservatives and sugar and chemicals and say here families have a big ole helping of obesity to go with your life woes.  Here are some funds but you can only spend it on scary foods of unidentifiable origins and don't get sick from a lifetime of ingesting it because then you must know you are sooooo on your own.  My lovely government also sets the standards that the school my children attend must follow for what is an acceptable meal to serve these growing minds and bodies.  Our future is handed chicken nuggets, pizza, and something that is unrecognizable as past vegetation, and said do well.  Show us great test scores on our mandated testing or you won't get your funding...but here have this...and don't be sluggish or ill...just perform...  Lunch wasn't enough in our school they now give free "breakfast" to all the students (this should tell you about our economic situation that our whole school gets it!).  This breakfast is poptarts, prepackaged muffins, goldfish crackers, and a string cheese stick with a side of strawberry, chocolate, or the least popular white milk.  My concern here is for a good lot of these kids these school meals are in fact their "healthiest" meal of the day.  This may very well be their one and only meal for a day.  And this is what they get.  Yet government officials on high seem completely confounded that Diabetes and obesity are plaguing our children.  They set the standard!!  They say this is all ok because it checks off boxes in their corrupt you scratch my back I will scratch yours with big business and big farming... 

Food is a hot topic for me.  I love food.  My best memories usually are of a meal shared or food tasted and filed away and remembered.  My favorite time is time in the kitchen to potter and create.  I melt to hear my kids and husband say "We want to stay home and eat.  Your food is better."  My family chooses my kitchen over ANY restaurant!!  What does that say about the world and it's possibilities?  If we put efforts into our food, our love, our time, our thoughts, it pays HUGE dividends in our families well being, health, and our communication as a unit is strengthened all by a simple meal of good foods shared at our little table!  So I encourage any who are tired, who are thinking the fight might be being lost that it absolutely is not!!  Your footprint is huge by beginning in your own little space with your own little unit!  Every time you share your thoughts, your meals, your table you influence others in small ways to try more to do more.  Do not be afraid to share.  Do not be afraid to speak.  Do not be afraid to say no thank you to things that will do you harm. 

Food is and can be beautiful.  Food should be healthy and not chemical.  Food should be easy.  Food should nourish us body and soul.  Food should not poison.  Food should unite and make us all stronger and better.  So passionate foodies keep fighting the fight.  It begins in your homes with your little people.  They are listening and watching!!  You make a much bigger difference than you would ever believe so EAT WELL!!!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Life Says...

So life kicks you in the pants, you get all funkified, you ask for help, you say I can't any feel all alone and unheard...  So life takes it's lessons seriously, it reaches out and it smacks people around and says "LISTEN UP"...and makes you do things you wouldn't normally do, and opens your eyes...WIDE.  It then says hold hands and make sure you have your buddy and DO NOT LET GO!!  There is more life for you to get through.  Now that is behind you look forward and take time to remember!!  Thanks life we have hard heads in this family but I think we got it again!  Come on buddy grab my hand!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


You ever been in a funk (not in a James Brown way) and find you can't dig yourself out completely? You swim your way to the surface, look around a bit, try and take in some fresh air, and then something grabs your ankles and yanks you back down to start the process all over again.
I keep thinking my time must be about over with it. It has been around for far too long now. I just can't get enough air. I can't breathe down to my core and ease off the mountain I feel sitting on my shoulders. My heart hurts. My head aches. My jaw throbs from all the tension. I have holes bitten into my tongue with all the words I am trying to be wise to not utter.
I have tears that weave their way into my day. And we are talking lovely, good days. Not sad, not difficult...but there they come. I feel like I do not have the words to explain. I do not and can not tell you why. If I could I can guaran-damn-tee you I would be fixing it. I would not choose to continue sinking. I would breathe sooooo very deep and soooo often...and I would be hugging this life of mine soooo very tight. But right now...that is impossible. I can't even lift my arms. My smile is broken. My life is being lived by halves... I really feel I want to run and run far... I want to hide away and not speak...(my words are all wrong any way)...I do not want to hurt or disappoint another person and I am beyond exhausted by being hurt and disappointed... the universe keeps telling me to take control of my happiness like it is that easy and simple...heck I am not even sure what that is any more...
I do know that my daily work environment is pulling me under and standing on my shoulders to keep me there. I have fought and fought to not let it and ignore and take it no avail. And if you have never been in an emotionally loaded environment for extended periods of time you can have to idea what it does to your body, your mind, your heart, your sleep, your energy, it takes it all and wears you down. I send out my prayers. I send out my energy for healing and hope and change. I go to my yoga mat hoping to dump enough emo crap to be able to function. I smudge, and I journal (to the point of complete writer's cramp), I exercise to exorcise the stress, I get massages to let go the junk I carry in my muscles, I am trying all I can...I have gotten on the water to sit and be overwhelmed at nature's complete and pure beauty.
I feel hurt and rejected and used. None of this will simply pass...but know I am trying. I am trying to see the me that has to be there under all the ick and hurt and stress and fret and dread. I know she is there. I believe she used to be cool and funny and kind. But I haven't seen her in a while. Let me know if you find her and please send her home!