Thursday, June 26, 2008

Growl...


Sometimes life for me is not all smiles and giggles...actually this last week I would probably be more likely to growl at you than laugh and say hello... I have tried to make peace and breathe and find my happy place in general but work life simply keeps getting in the way of all that! I get angry just thinking about the place. Not good, this I know! Getting angry at anything this regularly would probably be life's way of hitting you up side the head saying seek change...find a balance or else...but this is not a job I can walk away from, particularly since I am the bread winner in our household. Not a real option to just bag it all and walk away...that is the bad part of being a grown up!! I like the work I do unfortunately it comes with a huge ball of politics and interventions and threats and what-ifs that are so beyond my influence and ability to control...and for me as for most people it is the lack of control that is so very hard. I am not a control freak...but I like to feel like my life is under my hand...and this job over and over has made me feel powerless...and this is not a career you want the people doing it to feel so distracted and aggravated!! And everyday brings more threats and frustrations and more hours and overtime and head beating!!!!!!! And by the end of the work day I am a vegetable curling up in a fetal postion on my couch...dreading going back in the next day... I knew this year would be like this well somewhat like this and I even picked a word to remember for the year breathe as I knew it would be all in my power to do but I have found putting that very wise choice into action has been very difficult to remember as my life is becoming less and less my own...but really it is still all I have left in my control to breathe....so life is not just gardens blooming and my lovely ladies but me wanting to scream out loud!!! Sigh...

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