Heartaches

I made my journey north today...
I love it up there.  As soon as I get off the main highway and start towards my destination, I begin to breathe.  My shoulders actually come down out of my ears and I feel a grin begin on my face.  I love that drive. The twists, the turns, the trees, the water, all bringing me closer to the beach.

I had a list of nearly 8 houses to see, however many were already taken, so I got to see 3.  One was beyond bad so made it's way right off the list.  The other two gave me a problem, the one that I can afford, that would work, was not the one that made my heart sing (isn't that always the way).  The one that did was old, quirky, and had all the hopes I have for my runaway place (well aside from the outside that needs paint or siding).  But it is out of my reach by a bit.

After, I went to Crystal Beach to find it under repairs as they prepare for the season, so I meandered my way over to Frankfort and found some solace in a latte and croissant and a walk on the beach.  But looking at the water, and hearing the waves made my heartache.  It hurts me so very deeply to have to leave the beach and the water.  An ache like none I have ever known.  I feel almost breathless and unable to breathe when I have to think about leaving and driving away.  Today there were tears.  I am ever grateful I live somewhere where I can access such beauty easily.  But I ache for more.  I want this to be part of my world.  I have to believe that it will be.  That I will have a spot to runaway to and breathe and refill.  Where my big day will include walking along the water and feeling like a lottery winner when I find a piece of beach glass AND a heart-shaped rock.  These are the simple things that I soooooo want in this world. 

I wish my Irishman understod this more.  That he could feel even for a few minutes how my heart feels when I stand there and breathe it all in and more importantly how it feels when I have to leave.  This want to be up North is more than just a whim.  It is something I feel to my core.  The water calls me.  And now I have to start listening for possible answers...

I am daydreaming...

I really, really, really want what I call a runaway place. 
I want to have a place where I can be and destress.
I can be at a beach in 10 minutes.
I can wander little shops.
I can hike some trails.
I can have my coffee by some water.
I can have girlfriends come and just be and relax and giggle.
I can have an outdoor bathtub.
I can paint and hunt for furniture.
I can plant more.
I can unplug and breathe.
I can visit farms and farmers.
I can sit and just watch the world go by.


So tomorrow I am taking another leap of faith, I think this is how all my life has been lived, which means I will never ever die rich but I will have really have had a life worth living.  And I am going up to Beulah (one of my favorite little places on the planet) and meeting a realtor to see if maybe this can be more than a daydream. 

I have had a board on Pinterest for a while willing it all to be so...
http://pinterest.com/lahinch89/when-i-get-my-runaway-place-ideas/

Which of course my runaway place will not look like for quite some time because there is a reality to it that my place will be cheap and in need of love...but it will be my retreat!!  Healing, sand, water, breathing, soul space!! 

See that guy??? 

He did the unthinkable!!!  He got me a nap today!  He made me a toasted sandwich, some coffee, tucked me in under the best blankies ever on the couch and took our lovelies to the park for a while!!  And I am pretty sure I snored!  Sleep is the one thing I do not get enough of ever, ever, ever and any extra bits of it I can find are like the ultimate gift!  I think mommies in general are forever behind in the sleep department.  So I had my decadent little nap and am hoping to not snore through yoga now!  Thanks Irishman!

Healthy

I have been missing for a bit.  Life just felt busy.  Too busy to focus on me and words and thoughts.  But now it is Spring and I am making changes.  I got a new haircut and with that I am deciding that is going to mark my shift to focus a little more on being healthy.  Healthy and strong not just numbers and sizes.  I am going to embrace the small steps even if it means I carve out 20 minutes of exercise in a day that looks like there will be none.  Even if it means I add more water to my day.  Even it means I take time to journal or meditate or pause... 

Life is busy.  A good busy.  Life is a beautiful adventure.  During this adventure, you just have to pause to take care of yourself, which I have always been bad at.  I am going to grow up to be strong!!! 

Tis the Season...

Tis the Season...
As you wander through our home, there are projects in every nook and cranny.  All in various stages of completion.  Will they be finished?  Will we make it in time?  Should we all worry that our cards are laying in a pile unposted?  That the Christmas Cake is still a recipe on the computer?  That the family pictures have yet to arrive?  That two gifts haven't arrived in the mail yet?  That the Commander in Chief of the Elves is sick and dizzy? 

Even with the delays...I am proud of my elves...and despite the messes in every room and my company coming by on Tuesday...I am ever proud that my Elves choose to make gifts and make some more.  That they think to give and give from their hands and hearts.  I love seeing the stray crayons and markers, the letters begun on the old typewriter, the holiday books open and being read, the glitter glue in use and projects drying everywhere.  I am grateful that my eldest little elf has embraced wrapping and is taking care of me this year.  I am grateful that my smallish elf has been singing to me and often. 

Wishing you and yours a season of handmade gifts and tasty goodies made from the heart!!  Happy Holidays all!!

Thankful...

I am ever thankful on this day for...
-My body which is healthy and strong and allows me to enjoy this beautiful life.
-My two ladies who bring me smiles and inspire me with their words and creativity.
-Food!  Having enough, being able to spend time feeding those I love, and knowing where it came from.
-Music.  It inspires, it comforts, it is a gift...thanks to all who share their talents.
-Farmers who provide healthy, responsibly farmed foods for my family to flourish and enjoy.
-My home that I am ever thankful to have.  The security and warmth it provides us all.  Sanctuary.
-Water, being able to share the love of it with those I love, being fortunate enough to be on it in some way.
-My Irishman. He nourishes me and lifts me up.  His talent and artistry astound me and how he captures
  our little place in this world and this life we are making.
-Books.  Sharing this love with my family is a gift.
-Kindness of strangers.  Every now and then people show you that there is good in the world still.  This
  year that came in the form of apples.
-Laughter and giggles.  Silliness and the lightness that brings is the ultimate blessing.  There is nothing
  more beautiful than the sound of a fit of giggles!!!! 

May you all have a day full of those things that make you grateful and never forget how amazing life really is!

Heartaches

My heart aches.  Please don't ask why.  I still haven't sorted it all out to know why and how.  Given the big life stories being lived and survived around me, I have no room for the blues.  Yet here they still are.  And my heart feels like it is cracking.  Who am I kidding breaking completely in two...  My hand still cramps from the journalling, my phone is filling with sad songs (making me seem like a mooning teenager not a grown woman), my want to walk far and fast is back (weather not cooperating with me on this one), candles have been lit and relit, prayers have been said, meditation has been avoided, junk food has been consumed, alcohol has been purchased for drowning if need be...just truly unsure how to let it go when I am not sure why it is there.  What do I need to learn???  What do I need to see?  Why am I here?  I am out of wit.  I am out of sarcastic asides. I am quite a bit lost.