My heart aches. Please don't ask why. I still haven't sorted it all out to know why and how. Given the big life stories being lived and survived around me, I have no room for the blues. Yet here they still are. And my heart feels like it is cracking. Who am I kidding breaking completely in two... My hand still cramps from the journalling, my phone is filling with sad songs (making me seem like a mooning teenager not a grown woman), my want to walk far and fast is back (weather not cooperating with me on this one), candles have been lit and relit, prayers have been said, meditation has been avoided, junk food has been consumed, alcohol has been purchased for drowning if need be...just truly unsure how to let it go when I am not sure why it is there. What do I need to learn??? What do I need to see? Why am I here? I am out of wit. I am out of sarcastic asides. I am quite a bit lost.