I made it!!!!!!!

After a horrid week of "friends" telling me all my failings in the world and diagnosing me as helplessly depressed and filling my email with ick...I made it to the end of my week!!!!!!!! And so much better it looks, as I will head out with these two who will help me celebrate (a day early) my Birthday! I get to go to Genji my favorite local establishment! And I think there may be a few more stops before they return me home so I can get ready for an early call tomorrow!!

Tomorrow (my birthday and thanksgiving to the rest of you) I head off to NYC with two lovely ladies who are ready to bring me out of my funk and explore and eat!! So the week took a much better turn. This is probably helped by my Birthday gift from my Scotch coach!!

Hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving! I will I am sure! I will miss Mom's green beans and fruit salad but somehow I think I will get by ok! Don't lose sight that there are so many things to be grateful for! Mine this week are all the wonderful people (you know who you are) that took time to lift me up and remind me some people do not matter as much as others...Thank you folks!!!

Funk...

I am managing to say and do all the wrong things right now. I can't find the right words so find myself saying the wrong ones anyway. I am drained and tired and feel so very empty. I am sad (with no real reason) and I am worried that I am this way starting a trip with two lovely women who do not need the downness of me... I have read, written, yoga'd, and balled and still can't find the source of the ick to fix it. Nor have I seemed to release any of the bad juju I am carrying around. Instead I walk around wounding and hurting when it seems to be me that is really the problem...and everyone says you can talk to me...but really I am finding I wouldn't know what to say and if I did say something I can guarantee it would be the complete wrong thing to have uttered...so bear with me and know I am working on "it" whatever "it" is and hope to be back soon...

Seeking...

I am a work in progress. I am peeling off layers and finding the things I don't like in there and trying so very hard to weed them out and plant peace in their places. I fight the process. I try to shield it and not let it in. It hurts when you look at it and really see it. It is hard to see that you are not the gentle, loving, peaceful person you thought but someone human, who has hung onto bits of ick and grudges for years. That a bit of all past wrongs has been carried within you for a lifetime...things that didn't really matter then much less now...yet they have been part of you, shaped you, and lived within you...and that having to look at them give them a name and begin to let them go is so very hard. To continue to grow and learn in a new spiritual way is not easy but working toward peace and contentment in a world where that is very hard to find is needed and a necessity. And today I made a big first step looking at me...and feeling tears slip out as I focus and try to heal and try to leave behind and try to move forward and be a better person, more positive person, a more serene person, a person who can channel the negativity and put perspective into the world when sometimes it is the biggest thing missing...golden light, healing, powerful, centered...growing and learning and listening...thank you Michelle for being a stepping stone in the world for me.

Today My Baby is 5!

Today my baby, yes my baby, is 5 years old. That sounds so old to me. So much more grown up, ready for bigger things and moving on just a little bit. There is something about this little yummy that gets to me. She is funny, she is witty, and sometimes she is downright exasperating! But one look from her, one "You are the best mama ever" and I melt. She is her own person and although I forget on occasion it doesn't take a lot to bring me back. She is growing into this astounding little lady and sometimes I am floored by the things she comes up with. May she grow and continue to amaze and always be herself even when the rest of the world forgets...how important that really is may she always remember!!

At the end of our Street...

We are lucky that at the end of our street is The Center For the Arts. So we have culture we can walk to. And sometimes it gets even better, that culture is FREE!! Saturday, my parents (who were up for Birthday party visit) the girls and I went to see The Chinese Cultural Festival. There were calligraphy, food, and music demos. When we arrived the power had gone out but fortunately they got it back so they could have the stage show. We saw a Chinese Orchestra, Dancers, Martial Arts Demo's, other musicians, and an incredibly beautiful singer... yeah somedays location is everything!!

Birthday!

Ok, so actually she will not be 5 till Tuesday but her party was last night. She only started planning it on her Birthday last year (a career in the making?). The Tinkerbell theme was all hers and thankfully it was pretty easy to come up with goodies for it. As opposed to Bronwyn's chef's party last year and her mermaid party when mermaids weren't cool... I always let the girls plan their menu with some encouragement for at least one healthy food form. Ella picked pizza, chocolate cake, vanilla cupcakes, doritos, grapes, m&m's and Sprite! In case you can't tell, she doesn't get doritos and sprite often so they are the ultimate party food for her! I really love the cupcake tower idea and find it really helps stretch the cake at large kid parties. (Thanks Dione for the cake plates!!)

I am really astounded that my baby, MY BABY!!!, will be 5 years old on Tuesday. It doesn't seem possible. She has changed so very much in the past few months though. The way she thinks and how she talks and how she puts words together. I am sure I am like other parents but I am really not so ready for her to be this grown up. I want to snuggle a whole lot more and here all her funny stories and watch as she cuddles her way through her days. I guess I always will it will just be different, maybe a little too different for my mama heart! Here's to being 5!!

Awesomeness...(it is too a word)

My friend Kate and I saw Coldplay in Detroit on Monday night. I was not a huge fan, I liked their music and was willing to go with...but I am a believer after the awesomeness that was the show on Monday night. They are incredible in all areas of showmanship and seem to truly care about their fans. I can say this as fact really, bottom pic, the guy in that picture came to us in the rafter seats and asked if we were fans. We skeptically said yes...and he said, "Well your night is about to get a whole lot better." Then he asked us to guess what he was going to say...we didn't dare...then he says you are being moved to the floor seats. Me being ever skeptical of anyone like this says so we give you our tickets and then will we get kicked out trying to use these tickets. He laughed and said no Coldplay just wants enthusiastic fans up front. So down we go to see where we will be and if we will be ejected...and surprisingly no...we are escorted very nicely to 4th row seats!!! We were squealing quite a bit!! And the fourth photo was taken on the extended stage right by my seat and yes I could have touched him but did show some restraint! These guys are amazing! If you have any hope of getting there do so!!

We survived

We survived Halloween 2008!!! Mother Nature and her sister Ladybug had a great night of trick or treating, bringing home enough candy to feed the world. It all passed in a blur for me but I did make Ella's Halloween party and got to go to her Spanish class as they played Halloween games. I must say I am relieved to have it all done. Now to finish the house, we are painting, and get it cleaned up in time for the soon to be 5 yr. old Birthday Party next Friday. There is a lot of coffee in my future!