Crazy Cakes

My crazy ladies take over the back yard...I love these two so much for who they are becoming. It is not a dull life!!

Habitat

So does anyone else's house have multiple habitats inside?? And did you know that in it's house habitat hot pink rubber frogs really like popcorn kernels and stones? And that spider feeds on spider that feeds on acorn that feeds on tiger's eye stone? They do "for real"....

And for those of you that followed it, John's blog is back under a slightly new address see link below!! Yeah John!! So post comments and tell him to stay!!

Finally...

Well, Bronwyn finally got her pumpkin pie. She has asked me and asked me for ages now. So John cranked out two crusts for me and I made the filling. Look at that face!! As is true of most things in life, I should have done it sooner! But she says it was worth the wait! She even got to take a small piece in her lunch box today! And Ella said, "I don't like pumpkin pie." But funnily enough, she shoveled it in in minutes it was all gone! She even had a piece tonight for dessert so somehow I think she does like it!!

Insecurities

So, the planning for our 20th high school reunion has begun. In this process, I have been contacted and re-linked to people I haven't seen in at least 15years. And with these connections have brought back many the insecurity. I know how can something so mundane and so distant do this? I have been asking myself this for a few weeks now. Why is something and someones so removed from me ,as I am , be having such a big influence in my now? How did all those icky feelings of never being good enough, never being pretty enough, never being small enough, never quit fitting in come back so very fast? I have worked so very hard in my now to find perspective on all those years of school and evidentally I have made very little progress at all! I still wonder why I wasn't good enough or why I just couldn't have fit in better. Why was I always the "ugly" girl? Why was I always made fun of? Looking back I didn't really look much different from those that were "popular"... And you know, I like me a whole lot more as I am now. I think I am a much better person to know and wouldn't ever want to go back and do it all over. What I would do over is how I feel. I would replace all those feelings of being inadequate (in one area or another) with a view of how good life will be and how much I will grow and change and be better for it all. A little Richard Bach letter to myself that it will be worth it and help me realize what matters later in the world. And even with this knowledge, I sit here still comparing, still wanting to impress, still worried about not being enough...and yet I do know that I am....enough... And I know I am not the only one going through feeling like this...even the lovely Kelly Rae (http://www.kellyraeroberts.blogspot.com) has been posting similar feelings. So it must just be a woman thing...so how do we grow up and leave it all behind? Even though our logical minds say it doesn't matter sometimes the heart doesn't get the message!!

I DID IT!!

In honor of the autumnal equinox, The Yoga Place hosted an evening of 108 sun salutations. So Gloria and I headed down to see if us newbees could even hope to make it through 108 salutations!!! And we did!!!! All 108!! No cheating just some sweat and some aches and wobbly legs, and a little wooziness! That is a lot of detoxing for those who do not know!!!

And much to my disappointment, John decided to shut down his blog. He is rash in that department and very all or nothing. So it isn't just a bad connection or link he is officially out of the blogging world. I am very sad that he will not be showing us his photo creations and his unique view of the world.

Happy Fall!!

Fall is officially here! I am so excited! I love, love, love this time of year. I love the smells and the feeling as the temperature cools. I love the foods and tastes that are only fall, cider, caramel apples, pumpkin pie. I love the time to cuddle up or the time to go crunching through the leaves. Fall energizes me! Above, scenes from around the house, and last one is my spoiled little lunch that himself made for me this morning, including cinnamon apples and pears!!! He even put them on my favorite plate and set out my favorite mug...did I mention I am well and truly spoilt??? Enjoy your first day of fall! Have some hot cider and caramel for me!!

Sad...

I am just now home after the healing service for my friend...and I feel sad...not sure there are words for it or explanation as to why but I feel it all the way down to my toes. Just a melancholy...a want to have a good old cry and not come up for air...and as someone who has spent so much time surrounded by so many people I feel very alone...and so very not understood. Not validated and accepted and honored at a level that I strive to honor so many others...not at the level where you just love someone just because...I think I am just tired...more than just a sleepy tired but just very tired of trying to wrap my head around so many big feelings and ideas and plans and questions...I am officially exhausted!!! Thinking and being on and trying to be so much to so many is truly tiring work and I need a break...I think I need pampering and I think very, very selfishly after all I have seen and been through, I need to be taken care of and babyed... and in the scheme of the world as a whole I have been through very little just right now it feel so much bigger...sigh...