Heartaches

I made my journey north today...
I love it up there.  As soon as I get off the main highway and start towards my destination, I begin to breathe.  My shoulders actually come down out of my ears and I feel a grin begin on my face.  I love that drive. The twists, the turns, the trees, the water, all bringing me closer to the beach.

I had a list of nearly 8 houses to see, however many were already taken, so I got to see 3.  One was beyond bad so made it's way right off the list.  The other two gave me a problem, the one that I can afford, that would work, was not the one that made my heart sing (isn't that always the way).  The one that did was old, quirky, and had all the hopes I have for my runaway place (well aside from the outside that needs paint or siding).  But it is out of my reach by a bit.

After, I went to Crystal Beach to find it under repairs as they prepare for the season, so I meandered my way over to Frankfort and found some solace in a latte and croissant and a walk on the beach.  But looking at the water, and hearing the waves made my heartache.  It hurts me so very deeply to have to leave the beach and the water.  An ache like none I have ever known.  I feel almost breathless and unable to breathe when I have to think about leaving and driving away.  Today there were tears.  I am ever grateful I live somewhere where I can access such beauty easily.  But I ache for more.  I want this to be part of my world.  I have to believe that it will be.  That I will have a spot to runaway to and breathe and refill.  Where my big day will include walking along the water and feeling like a lottery winner when I find a piece of beach glass AND a heart-shaped rock.  These are the simple things that I soooooo want in this world. 

I wish my Irishman understod this more.  That he could feel even for a few minutes how my heart feels when I stand there and breathe it all in and more importantly how it feels when I have to leave.  This want to be up North is more than just a whim.  It is something I feel to my core.  The water calls me.  And now I have to start listening for possible answers...

Life

I have been busily flying along living a life. Intentions being to write, intentions being to read, intentions being to connect, intentions being to rest, intentions being to breathe... I find in my unending quest for balance I am not meeting any of my intentions. So unarmed with a great picture for this post I find myself at a keyboard and ready to type.

So many thoughts in my head, biggest and foremost is news my friend received yesterday that his twenty something daughter has been missing for 7 days. Being a mom to two girls, I cannot physically imagine the feeling of news like this and hope to never, ever, ever know how it feels. Then I sit and wonder what do you do for someone who has had a rug yanked from under them? How can you support them and say the right things when you are giving thanks it isn't you at that moment? All I can think to do is light my candles and send all the good energy and good juju to him and his family I can. And hope upon hope that she contacts them and that this was her decision and that she is healthy and all will be well. Meanwhile, there is a young boy, who fortunately is safe, wondering where his mama is and a father crying himself to sleep with worry and helplessness...

Then there is just the unsettled world I find myself in everyday. The world I should be grateful for because it is called employment. The place that allows me and my gang to be together and live the life we enjoy...that does get eclipsed though. All the days of rage, angst, accusations, distrust, seething, worry, covering your backside, and holding your breath, is exhausting. Completely and utterly mentally finishing. I feel like I somedays can't take one more step or think one more thought. I am drained. I need to breathe and escape but the weekends go by in a blink and then there is another week to take hour by hour and survive. At some point it has to come to a head...it can't keep building there is no more room for that...I am waiting for the final fallout and if you have ever sat waiting for the worst to finally be over you know how that feels! My only comfort is that yoga starts up again on Sunday and I have one day a week to remind myself I really need to keep breathing and just ride the wave.

On a happier note, my friend and I bought a boat. I am calling it my therapy right now. It was like the universe knew my world was going to get rocky and that I had longer to be in the muck before a real escape can happen, the universe heard all my whining and sighing over being on water and said well you can't move but here try this. And now I just have to shovel the week till the weather says yep come on out then I float and rest and breathe and soak in all that is good and return ready to keep climbing the hill. Thank you universe! I didn't know I ever wanted a boat but you are right I really, really did!!!

So if you find yourself with a moment, send out some prayers, or juju, or energy to my friend and his family, and heck to our little workplace. May peace and safety find you and yours as well.

Water...

This is me and I NEED to be near water!!

It touches my soul...

It makes me a nicer person...

And it brings me peace to my very core...

Now I am wrestling with not if I will live by water but when and how and where...I will. I am putting it out there Universe now listen up and hand this over to me I need it! It makes my heart hurt to think I can't be on or near water right now...but I am looking at my options and trying to figure out what in my big head full of dreams is our best option as a family. But there will be WATER!! Oh yes there will!

Bay City Boat Trip

Unbeknownst to me, Bay City offers free boat rides out to the Bay during the summer. (Thanks Margaret for the heads up!!) You just have to go over and pick up tickets. It is a nice narrated tour, and other than being chilly as we went mid-August. It was a lovely morning. My parents were up for the fair and so fortunately they got to wander out with us. It helps that I really like Bay City any way and would love to have one of the great condos right there on the water. I daydream about sitting on the decks or inside in front of all the incredible windows with my cup of coffee and a book, relaxing and watching the water. Once again, how I am so very far away from water astounds me. I literally could spend every hour of every day sitting shore side just watching and be fulfilled. Someday...

This is one of my attempts to catch up with the summer that was! Particularly August which truly passed in one giant blur!!!!