I love me some dirt!

I love playing in the dirt. Since I have had kids I have lost sight of just how much. However this summer, I am finding my groove again. Getting out there digging and reclaiming my space till my muscles all happily ache. Finding ways to incorporate old bricks and new plants and finding things we can grow to eat. Trying more containers (still working on this one). Reading gardening blogs, looking at gardening pictures...daydreaming about dirt and plants and statuaries. (I sooo want one! End of this month there will be one added!) Watering, reading books, figuring out how to grow up and be a good little organic gardener. Time is lost when I am out there. Two hours is lost in a blink of an eye and leaves me ready to pout and stomp my feet when I have to come in. Coming in with dirty grubby toes and grass stained heels, dirt scuffs on my forehead, and plant matter in my hair...oooh how I love it. My therapy. Dirt time. I wish I knew more but right now I will keep going with my trial and error style. Planting stuff and watching it be eaten by Peter Rabbit and his Chipmunk friend. The garden is open!! Now for my goal this summer is a dinner party out back. Have to get it all finished so I can work on this...maybe early fall?? Hmmm I am thinking it is the year!

Good Days

We have been making some good days here. We have been keeping it simple and visiting places nearby. We have been making simple things seem more like an adventure. We all mount up the bikes and wander out into our little world. We have been swimming at the Community Center, sketching at Dow Gardens, planting in the yard, and riding downtown for shakes and iced coffees. Our days are good. They bring us together as a family. They give us time to relax and breathe and feed each other. There is reading and cooking and chatting and movies...yep I think this time of summer practice is good. Summer you are welcome we are almost ready! A week and a half of school to go and a porch to clean and we are all yours!

Tuesday Nights

Tuesday nights make me sad. It makes the weekend seem so far away and brings to light all those things I didn't seem to accomplish. I sigh with dread of the work week to come and the busyness of it all. Don't get me wrong I am very thankful to have a job to go to in this day and age. In fact I DO love my work. I do not love the environment it puts me in and the schedule it demands of me.

I sat on the porch this evening with a glass of wine and tried to soak up all the remaining goodness I could get of this very good weekend. Then I gave a huge sigh and brought myself to the couch.

My life is sooo very good. I so very much love being home. I love our home. More than love really. I feel truly blessed to live in such a great old home that makes me smile. However, there is never ever enough time to make it what is should be. No time to get the weeds pulled, the dust bunnies banished, the soap scum unscummed, the piles tidied, the clothes put away, the dinner cooked, the closets organized, the basement tamed...sigh...all this leaves me feeling spent and a tad melancholy as my weekend NEVER seems to be enough to get me ahead for the week to come...does anyone ever have it all balanced? Is there ever time enough for self care and home care? I am doubtful...

I had a fantastic weekend...I played in the dirt, I cooked, I thrifted, I spent time on the porch, I spent time with my Irishman, I rode bikes with the kids, and I got the deck on the way for the season...it was full and wonderful. So here is to a quick week so I can make it full circle for another lovely weekend!!

Recipes

I was thinking as I made dinner this evening, that recipes are like scrapbooks. They bring back people and thoughts and memories. They make sure people are not forgotten even if it is just for that moment in which a meal is planned.

For instance this evening, I spent time with a dear foodie friend who has moved away, an old Junior High School friend, and thought fondly of a fabulous cook who has passed on. All these ladies touched me in some way. They were there at different phases of me. And at one point we shared a meal. We said to each other "this is great" and say it with me "Do you have the recipe?" At some point the answer to that was yes. They took time out of their lives and jotted them down.

Food is connecting. It brings you together as nothing else can. It says I love you, I care about you, let me feed you. I think that is big. So next time you are making a meal be sure to send some love to those who have inspired that meal. And next time someone says "Do you have the recipe?" know that you are leaving a footprint...a very memorable, important footprint.

Journey

I have just completed a 21 Day Crazy Sexy Diet cleanse. www.crazysexylife.com I started this because I have heard so many people say it helped them with so many ailments. Things like body aches, joint pains, stomach problems, energy and fatigue. So seeing as I have many of those little, pesky things going on I thought I would give it a go.

During the 21 days you are Vegan and also Gluten free and you give up coffee and alcohol and sugar other than plant based ones (stevia and agave). You also drink gallons of green juice which is basically Kale, spinach, romaine lettuce, cucumbers, celery, ginger, broccoli stems, green apple or pear and despite the sound is tasty and something I was enjoying before the cleanse.

So that said, I am now at the floating and what to do now point. I am a little scared of food. I have come so far and reset so much of my food thinking and tastes but what now? Without the cleanse framework how do I make dinner and what do I put into my body? Especially, since I finally started to like what my body was doing. I liked how it was changing. This internal chat and dialogue is not made any way easier by friends. I would have to say overall that friends were the hardest part of this cleanse. I think it scares people when you are doing something like this. I think food and the sharing of food is a HUGE deal to us as people and our relationships and that when you change how you do that it effects others in a very big way. You are still the same and socially you are doing the same things but the shift which is just what you put in YOUR mouth really seems to make it awkward. People make the focus about your eating not about being together and chatting and laughing. People treat you very different when you choose to eat different. I found that it was very difficult for them to realize that I am making no judgment on their eating but was simply doing this for ME. My body needed change and wasn't getting it without a big jump start and an extreme change.

But then I had the cleanse to fall back on. It was a time frame thing. 21 days. NOW, already day two after the cleanse everyone thinks you just go back and add it all back in. They seem disappointed to think you might not. That you may never eat cheese again or you may never eat like them again. They really do not understand you might choose to keep going with all the "weird" foods and drinks. They do not support nor like that you CHOOSE this at all. It is very isolating. And it is really only just food!! It is not preaching. It is not shunning. It is not a grab for attention. It is about me making choices that are helping my body. Completely about seeking my natural balance and this is a work in progress. What is a natural balance? Will I ever really know? Can I take these next days post cleanse and find my balance? I worry.

It is difficult amidst all the nay saying chatter to hear what my body thinks is good and should be next. But that is the important lesson here listening to MY body. What works? What doesn't? What do I feel? My choices.

Grateful

I am part of a Shutterfly group in support of a woman I have never met. Her name is Lanie and she is in the last stages of Breast Cancer. Today she posted her update and I am left with very little words. I am in awe of all the strong, brave people who keep trying to just have one more month, one more week, or even one more day. The people who never give up. As she said she is not fighting to save her life but to squeak out a little more time... and then I thought how very often I find myself taking for granted all those things I CAN do. I find my focus slips into the negatives "I don't feel well", "my hip hurts", "my back aches"... but I have time. I have a seemingly infinite amount of time in front of me. Then this brave woman I have never known points out that I am wasting that time really. I can walk to the kitchen, I can focus, I can think, I can read, I can breathe without pain, I can plan!!!, I can reasonably hope to see my children grow up, I can wrap my hands around a cup of coffee and breathe. I have the luxury of knowing I can do it all again tomorrow. I know the sore throat will heal the aches will subside and that I can LIVE with very little effort on my end I get the gift of life!! So today I am grateful for every breath and every step and am sitting on my comfy couch breathing in the candles, having a piece of chocolate, and a hot cup of coffee and thanking every single thing in the universe that has allowed me to do so. I send my hopes and prayers to Lanie and her family and hope she finds that bit more time, quality time that she can get in one more squeeze with her boys and her husband and that she can have one more day to smile. So raise your mug and be ever thankful that you are and that you can....

My Snow Day...

We were fully expecting the ladies to have a snow day today... they did not. I on the other hand am. I am relishing this morning of having nowhere to go or rush off to or get ready for. I got out my special present mug, pulled out the sugar cubes (my decadent treat) and made an entire pot of coffee, I lit my candles and incense, put on my music, assembled my pile of magazines and my book, took a passing gaze at my vision board still imagining what else I want to fill in the rest, arranged the quilts and blankies on the Big comfy couch...and here I sit! My life is usually full. In a good way. But I miss these kinds of days where my big plan is if I want another cup of coffee and how I am going to get it. I miss days sitting looking out the window watching everyone else go about their business while I snuggle up and breathe and rest. I am a people person, a doer, and my empty days are far too few. I am better at saying no but not perfect. But today I am claiming time for this sagging spirit. Time to mend and regroup. Time to enjoy quiet and actually read the words on a page and who knows maybe even put some words on the page. Wishing you peace this snowy day of ours and may you find time to create your own snow day feeling.