Glow...

Well my ladies started into their activities for the year. I must say we have chosen well this year. Ella is back in gymnastics and to watch her grow and change and learn is astounding. Seeing her channel her "Ellaness" into something that fits is really a great feeling for me. Watching as she came down the tumble track there was this big glowing smile from her eyes all the way out. She really loves it there. And when we are taking a session off she asks everyday when she can go back.

And the biggest new activity is Bronwyn's horseback riding. She decided not to sign up for dance this year and said she would like to try some new things, like pottery, yoga, or horseback riding. Well the kids yoga class I was hoping for isn't offered at a time where I can get her there so I made some calls and added and subtracted a few times (horseback riding is not cheap!!) and committed to a month of lessons. Yesterday was the first one. Bronwyn has had this love of horses for a couple of years now. She watches shows on them, reads about them, and pretends to be one...(I think I remember a lot of girls in elementary school going through this phase) So we arrived about 30 min. early yesterday and Bronwyn was gasping and oohing as soon as we turned down the driveway. She was just so at peace and contented to wander around the barns and look at the other horses. Mind you this peace gave her openings to ask me some very big and difficult questions like what is prayer, how is your friend doing (the friend whose son committed suicide), how is the dad doing...that must be hard...she just has this deeper, older insight to the world that I am not sure I possess now at 37!!! So I try to bring things down to tell her in a way that leaves openings for her to one day decide what feels right to her and what she believes. And then the lesson occured. She was so very much glowing. She was so in the moment and completely happy. It really is awesome to know you are able to give your children something that compliments them and touches something so deep inside. Look at the smiles as she and Sonny make their rounds. She is so energized by the idea that she can spend time on this farm and just hang out there and be around it all. She is ready to work and says she has to keep pinching herself because it still feels like a dream. She even said she would rather be in those barns than watching TV. All this from one hour spent at the farm!!

And then on the way home my sage young lady says to me, "Mommy, you have this beautiful smile when you look at Ella and I. What makes you smile like that? I love that smile. " And tears formed in my eyes. As I struggled to find words for all the emotions and thoughts that bring that smile the one I feel to my core. I told her it is because I feel at that moment so full of love I feel I might burst. And that I am amazed by her and her sister at how they are growing into such interesting people. That I am proud to know them and get to be with them. And to this she says "We amaze you?" And I choke up a little bit and can only say "Oh yes!"

How she is so wise and so in tune I can't even begin to understand. She knows and sees more than I do. She just gets it and leaves me sitting with my jaw dropped and my mind all muddled up. So a little glow for all us ladies this week!!

And on this day 7 yrs ago I remember coming home from the hardest day of work ever, I am an air traffic controller for those who may not have known, and losing it and reaching out for my yummy little baby and pulling her close in gratefulness and to refill on what was still good in the world. So many reflections and thoughts of healing on this sad date.

Our little Granny...

Bronwyn is our Granny. She used to hate when we called her tht but now I think she sees it as a compliment...and a statement of fact...She is a self policer. She is very aware, sometimes too aware, of the world around her and her place in it. She is caring. She is generous. She is dramatic. She is all things girly. She is thoughful. She can be really over emotional!! And so many many times she is just down right funny...we were coming home from a little Mom and Daughter time, she asks me for these days. She says she needs "me and you time". And I do whatever I can to make it happen. I want her to always have that opening to me. Because someday her issues may be a little bigger than "counting by twos". But I have totally skipped my little story, we were in the car and she was talking about her Grandma and Grandpa (my parents) and how much she loves them and she would be really sad and cry a lot if something happened to them or they died, very touching so far, but then she says "But you'd be surprised what you can live through!" I was taken aback and then I laughed so very hard!! Where these things come from I will never know. And that same evening while she and I were out she was commenting on our surroundings in a very mature fashion and I said how did you get so grown up?? And she replies very frank and to the point... "I had good raising." WOW!!!!! How does she know what that is!!??? And when I quizzed her to see if she knew what it meant she really really did. So maybe we are on the right track! You just never get to know as a parent...all the second guessing and what iffing and hoping...but here is my lovely 7 year old validating my whole being...really though where did she come from??? If she didn't look so much like me I would swear up and down she was switched at birth!! My husband and I are so not like her!! And her sister is the complete 180 degree opposite!! But she is mine and she is amazing...and I have a lot to learn from her!!

Sometimes

There are just days as a mother, that I think my chest will simply explode with how much I love these two little ladies!! Yesterday, was one of those days.

I came home yesterday and E ( the little one) just exuded yumminess! She was dressed cute, her hair was cute, and her smile melted me! And after a little debate, she decided to give me some snuggle time!! Let me tell you snuggle time with her is beyond rare!! She is a busy lady and sitting still usually doesn't fit in her day's plan. She is four by the way. So after some E goodness she reaches over and gives me a big kiss on the cheek!! Kisses are even rarer than snuggles!!!!! So I was one happy Mama!

So it came time for the elder statesman to come home from school. As a lot of you know, getting two children both in a good mood doesn't occur as frequently as we would all like! So unfairly, I expect the wrath of B to come through the door. But instead, in walks sunshine. B is seven and the way she talks and gestures and communicates has just really changed. She astounds me with her insight and maturity! Where I expect a little girl there is the budding of a young lady! She really hit all my soft spots in life last night. She read to me, then I was getting some things ready for the end of the week so she came and sat with me and wrote in her journal. A journal has been an appendage for her since she could scribble. We talked about big life issues (counting backwards from 45...and blogs and if she could have one someday...menus and things to take to parties...)

After all my B time, we got to read a great little kids book series, SkippyJonJones!! These are really great and even won the EB White award for books to read aloud to children. We laughed a lot!!

So the night was a good one. So many amazing moments all in one evening! Time just goes by so very fast! I just want to hold on so, so tight!!! Sigh....