Musings From My Big Blue Comfy Couch...

Tis the Season...

2011-12-18T11:09:00.000-08:00

Tis the Season...
As you wander through our home, there are projects in every nook and cranny. All in various stages of completion. Will they be finished? Will we make it in time? Should we all worry that our cards are laying in a pile unposted? That the Christmas Cake is still a recipe on the computer? That the family pictures have yet to arrive? That two gifts haven't arrived in the mail yet? That the Commander in Chief of the Elves is sick and dizzy?

Even with the delays...I am proud of my elves...and despite the messes in every room and my company coming by on Tuesday...I am ever proud that my Elves choose to make gifts and make some more. That they think to give and give from their hands and hearts. I love seeing the stray crayons and markers, the letters begun on the old typewriter, the holiday books open and being read, the glitter glue in use and projects drying everywhere. I am grateful that my eldest little elf has embraced wrapping and is taking care of me this year. I am grateful that my smallish elf has been singing to me and often.

Wishing you and yours a season of handmade gifts and tasty goodies made from the heart!! Happy Holidays all!!

Thankful...

2011-11-24T08:23:00.001-08:00

I am ever thankful on this day for...
-My body which is healthy and strong and allows me to enjoy this beautiful life.
-My two ladies who bring me smiles and inspire me with their words and creativity.
-Food! Having enough, being able to spend time feeding those I love, and knowing where it came from.
-Music. It inspires, it comforts, it is a gift...thanks to all who share their talents.
-Farmers who provide healthy, responsibly farmed foods for my family to flourish and enjoy.
-My home that I am ever thankful to have. The security and warmth it provides us all. Sanctuary.
-Water, being able to share the love of it with those I love, being fortunate enough to be on it in some way.
-My Irishman. He nourishes me and lifts me up. His talent and artistry astound me and how he captures
our little place in this world and this life we are making.
-Books. Sharing this love with my family is a gift.
-Kindness of strangers. Every now and then people show you that there is good in the world still. This
year that came in the form of apples.
-Laughter and giggles. Silliness and the lightness that brings is the ultimate blessing. There is nothing
more beautiful than the sound of a fit of giggles!!!!

May you all have a day full of those things that make you grateful and never forget how amazing life really is!

Heartaches

2011-11-22T17:30:00.001-08:00

My heart aches. Please don't ask why. I still haven't sorted it all out to know why and how. Given the big life stories being lived and survived around me, I have no room for the blues. Yet here they still are. And my heart feels like it is cracking. Who am I kidding breaking completely in two... My hand still cramps from the journalling, my phone is filling with sad songs (making me seem like a mooning teenager not a grown woman), my want to walk far and fast is back (weather not cooperating with me on this one), candles have been lit and relit, prayers have been said, meditation has been avoided, junk food has been consumed, alcohol has been purchased for drowning if need be...just truly unsure how to let it go when I am not sure why it is there. What do I need to learn??? What do I need to see? Why am I here? I am out of wit. I am out of sarcastic asides. I am quite a bit lost.

Shadows around our home

2011-11-21T11:30:00.001-08:00

I am in love with the way light plays and shadows dance in our home.

Calm before the storm...

2011-11-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

Had a really relaxed lovely day today. Taking advantage of the gorgeous weather to try and capture some of what is left of fall, I at least got to crunch in some leaves. Went with a cute Irish boy to lunch that included dessert. Pottered around my house trying to reclaim it, this is a verrrrrryyyyy sloooooowwww process and may never be completed while I in fact live here. I will be heading off for a concert this evening.

Yet I feel like I am holding my breath...like there is something bad coming and I have to keep walking toward it to in fact get past it. I do not want to. I want to dig in my heels and say "I don't wanna" "You can't make me" but fact is that isn't going to work. It is just going to keep lurking around teasing me and hitting me at odd moments in small ways until I look it in the eyes and say go for it...hit me! When it does it will hurt. I am sure I will in fact cry. My heart will crack a bit...but then there will be breathing and band aids and light. And after I stagger for a small bit, I will keep walking hopefully wiser and better but till then I am bracing...waiting for it... Calm before the storm...then calm again I hope...

Giddy again...

2011-10-24T18:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life we find ourselves seeing things and people anew. We get lucky and open our eyes and realize we want to giggle. And that giggle, if we are very, very lucky, is caused by the first person that made us giddy in this world. The person who instigated, letter writing, daydreaming, poetry binges, tea for two, lightheadedness, silliness, goofiness, and a longing that defined who we became. A person who has been there to hold our hand and cheer us on in all those lifetime events that could conceivably drag us under. A person who saw something we might never have glimpsed in our self.
And bam...twice in one lifetime...giddiness...thank you my Irishman...

Food...Blog Action Day

2011-10-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

This year's Blog Action Day topic really hits home hard for me on sooooo many levels! I feel like I truly spend most of my breathing hours tracking down, healthy, organic, identifiable ingredient made, foods for my family. In our little part of the universe, there isn't a Whole Foods or a Trader Joe's to pop into. The local supermarkets carry tiny bits of organic and non-scary foods, but if I want variety or produce that doesn't look like all it's nutritional value has already passed away 2 weeks ago, I have to hunt. If I want convenience foods that aren't going to kill us all and the environment by their mere existence, I must read, contemplate, search, seek...and what I find in one market one week doesn't mean it will be restocked or they will continue to carry it in future weeks so it never ever ends.

I have joined buying clubs, CSA's, I visit my farmers markets...but I work at it. I read. I call. I plot. I ask friends with extras. I am EXHAUSTED!!

And what I think mostly is that I have the time to do this. I have the resources (mostly) to make some of this happen. But why should I be in an elite group when it comes to food? Why should my financial comfort be the only reason I can provide these things for my family?

I am upset (this is the most understated thing I have probably ever said) that my government, when they choose to "help" folks who need a boost with food give them preservatives and sugar and chemicals and say here families have a big ole helping of obesity to go with your life woes. Here are some funds but you can only spend it on scary foods of unidentifiable origins and don't get sick from a lifetime of ingesting it because then you must know you are sooooo on your own. My lovely government also sets the standards that the school my children attend must follow for what is an acceptable meal to serve these growing minds and bodies. Our future is handed chicken nuggets, pizza, and something that is unrecognizable as past vegetation, and said do well. Show us great test scores on our mandated testing or you won't get your funding...but here have this...and don't be sluggish or ill...just perform... Lunch wasn't enough in our school they now give free "breakfast" to all the students (this should tell you about our economic situation that our whole school gets it!). This breakfast is poptarts, prepackaged muffins, goldfish crackers, and a string cheese stick with a side of strawberry, chocolate, or the least popular white milk. My concern here is for a good lot of these kids these school meals are in fact their "healthiest" meal of the day. This may very well be their one and only meal for a day. And this is what they get. Yet government officials on high seem completely confounded that Diabetes and obesity are plaguing our children. They set the standard!! They say this is all ok because it checks off boxes in their corrupt you scratch my back I will scratch yours with big business and big farming...

Food is a hot topic for me. I love food. My best memories usually are of a meal shared or food tasted and filed away and remembered. My favorite time is time in the kitchen to potter and create. I melt to hear my kids and husband say "We want to stay home and eat. Your food is better." My family chooses my kitchen over ANY restaurant!! What does that say about the world and it's possibilities? If we put efforts into our food, our love, our time, our thoughts, it pays HUGE dividends in our families well being, health, and our communication as a unit is strengthened all by a simple meal of good foods shared at our little table! So I encourage any who are tired, who are thinking the fight might be being lost that it absolutely is not!! Your footprint is huge by beginning in your own little space with your own little unit! Every time you share your thoughts, your meals, your table you influence others in small ways to try more to do more. Do not be afraid to share. Do not be afraid to speak. Do not be afraid to say no thank you to things that will do you harm.

Food is and can be beautiful. Food should be healthy and not chemical. Food should be easy. Food should nourish us body and soul. Food should not poison. Food should unite and make us all stronger and better. So passionate foodies keep fighting the fight. It begins in your homes with your little people. They are listening and watching!! You make a much bigger difference than you would ever believe so EAT WELL!!!!

Life Says...

2011-10-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

So life kicks you in the pants, you get all funkified, you ask for help, you say I can't any more...you feel all alone and unheard... So life takes it's lessons seriously, it reaches out and it smacks people around and says "LISTEN UP"...and makes you do things you wouldn't normally do, and opens your eyes...WIDE. It then says hold hands and make sure you have your buddy and DO NOT LET GO!! There is more life for you to get through. Now that is behind you look forward and take time to remember!! Thanks life we have hard heads in this family but I think we got it again! Come on buddy grab my hand!

Funkified

2011-10-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

You ever been in a funk (not in a James Brown way) and find you can't dig yourself out completely? You swim your way to the surface, look around a bit, try and take in some fresh air, and then something grabs your ankles and yanks you back down to start the process all over again.
I keep thinking my time must be about over with it. It has been around for far too long now. I just can't get enough air. I can't breathe down to my core and ease off the mountain I feel sitting on my shoulders. My heart hurts. My head aches. My jaw throbs from all the tension. I have holes bitten into my tongue with all the words I am trying to be wise to not utter.
I have tears that weave their way into my day. And we are talking lovely, good days. Not sad, not difficult...but there they come. I feel like I do not have the words to explain. I do not and can not tell you why. If I could I can guaran-damn-tee you I would be fixing it. I would not choose to continue sinking. I would breathe sooooo very deep and soooo often...and I would be hugging this life of mine soooo very tight. But right now...that is impossible. I can't even lift my arms. My smile is broken. My life is being lived by halves... I really feel I want to run and run far... I want to hide away and not speak...(my words are all wrong any way)...I do not want to hurt or disappoint another person and I am beyond exhausted by being hurt and disappointed... the universe keeps telling me to take control of my happiness like it is that easy and simple...heck I am not even sure what that is any more...
I do know that my daily work environment is pulling me under and standing on my shoulders to keep me there. I have fought and fought to not let it and ignore and take it on...to no avail. And if you have never been in an emotionally loaded environment for extended periods of time you can have to idea what it does to your body, your mind, your heart, your sleep, your energy, it takes it all and wears you down. I send out my prayers. I send out my energy for healing and hope and change. I go to my yoga mat hoping to dump enough emo crap to be able to function. I smudge, and I journal (to the point of complete writer's cramp), I exercise to exorcise the stress, I get massages to let go the junk I carry in my muscles, I am trying all I can...I have gotten on the water to sit and be overwhelmed at nature's complete and pure beauty.
I feel hurt and rejected and used. None of this will simply pass...but know I am trying. I am trying to see the me that has to be there under all the ick and hurt and stress and fret and dread. I know she is there. I believe she used to be cool and funny and kind. But I haven't seen her in a while. Let me know if you find her and please send her home!

Life

2011-09-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

I have been busily flying along living a life. Intentions being to write, intentions being to read, intentions being to connect, intentions being to rest, intentions being to breathe... I find in my unending quest for balance I am not meeting any of my intentions. So unarmed with a great picture for this post I find myself at a keyboard and ready to type.

So many thoughts in my head, biggest and foremost is news my friend received yesterday that his twenty something daughter has been missing for 7 days. Being a mom to two girls, I cannot physically imagine the feeling of news like this and hope to never, ever, ever know how it feels. Then I sit and wonder what do you do for someone who has had a rug yanked from under them? How can you support them and say the right things when you are giving thanks it isn't you at that moment? All I can think to do is light my candles and send all the good energy and good juju to him and his family I can. And hope upon hope that she contacts them and that this was her decision and that she is healthy and all will be well. Meanwhile, there is a young boy, who fortunately is safe, wondering where his mama is and a father crying himself to sleep with worry and helplessness...

Then there is just the unsettled world I find myself in everyday. The world I should be grateful for because it is called employment. The place that allows me and my gang to be together and live the life we enjoy...that does get eclipsed though. All the days of rage, angst, accusations, distrust, seething, worry, covering your backside, and holding your breath, is exhausting. Completely and utterly mentally finishing. I feel like I somedays can't take one more step or think one more thought. I am drained. I need to breathe and escape but the weekends go by in a blink and then there is another week to take hour by hour and survive. At some point it has to come to a head...it can't keep building there is no more room for that...I am waiting for the final fallout and if you have ever sat waiting for the worst to finally be over you know how that feels! My only comfort is that yoga starts up again on Sunday and I have one day a week to remind myself I really need to keep breathing and just ride the wave.

On a happier note, my friend and I bought a boat. I am calling it my therapy right now. It was like the universe knew my world was going to get rocky and that I had longer to be in the muck before a real escape can happen, the universe heard all my whining and sighing over being on water and said well you can't move but here try this. And now I just have to shovel the week till the weather says yep come on out then I float and rest and breathe and soak in all that is good and return ready to keep climbing the hill. Thank you universe! I didn't know I ever wanted a boat but you are right I really, really did!!!

So if you find yourself with a moment, send out some prayers, or juju, or energy to my friend and his family, and heck to our little workplace. May peace and safety find you and yours as well.

These Days...

2011-08-18T19:21:00.000-07:00

I have been slowed down by an icky summer cold. However, out of this cold I had a really, really great day. This great day was brought to me by that beautiful soul above. Her big sister is out of town, and I have found that when she is on her own she changes and really shines. This little person gently asked for my attention. She wooed and she comforted and she worked and she imagined and she made me completely melt. She told me "This is the best day of my life I am so glad you are home, oh sorry I mean I wish you weren't sick but I am glad I got to spend the day with you." I didn't cry!! There is my year's miracle. How can taking some time and making some time make such a big difference?? Well that is what I thought. But it truly does to one very important little soul who really makes me feel like I am Queen of the world. Thank you my little sage for your care and understanding and for making me a better Mommy!

Relay

2011-08-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

This weekend we Relayed. We came together as friends and family and worked to raise money to end Cancer. We remembered, we celebrated, we cried, we smiled, we walked and walked some more, we worked, we met new friends, we came together as a community to share an experience. And once again we all left closer and more touched than we were when we arrived, and more tired and sore! But we made a stand and said enough is enough and I am here for you all. Now we rest and recover and brainstorm for next year what else can we do. We are always open. We will take your donations of time and product for next year. Thanks to every single one of you who helped us on our journey in whatever way. No way is ever too small!! Wishing much peace, healing and love to all those effected by this disease.

Why is it going soooo fast????

2011-07-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

Why is summer flying by at the speed of light? Why is it all those things "we will do this summer" have not yet been done? How come we haven't made the day trips we had in our heads? How come the kitchen isn't finished and the girls room still has carpet? How come there hasn't been a yard sale? How come there haven't been more bike rides and picnics??? How come there hasn't been more time on the porch??? How come there hasn't been time with girlfriends sipping mojitos or wine?

Summer is on fast forward. I have begged it to stop but it has it's fingers in it's ears ignoring me like a small child! I had grand plans doesn't it know?? I had wanted to visit a couple new beaches this summer. We had Ann Arbor visits to make. We were meant to go to Mackinaw and visit a lighthouse. I was supposed to finish that whole playing in the dirt brick and reclaiming of the flower beds thing that got abandoned. I was supposed to be making more food with more local produce. But it is racing me to that finish line of back to school! I have this niggling feeling that I am going to lose this race!

We have had lemonade stands for Relay for Life, we have had bug camp, and gardening at Dow gardens, there has been one week of wanna be an architecht camp, two weeks of nature camp for two very tired girls, one runaway with a girlfriend up north to be a grown up on a beach, then another runaway up north to explore and play in the sand and climb huge piles of it with my two lovely ladies, and there is the ongoing painting then tiling of the kitchen project, there has been our CSA deliveries, there has been fresh berries eaten cold from a cooler by Lake Michigan, there is still Relay for Life which is tomorrow (yikes), a dinner sail coming for me and the ladies first concert coming quickly, there are hopes for an Anniversary outing and maybe one more escape to the beach...but really and truly what happened to it??

It slips past soooo fast any more. Seems the older they get the faster it goes as I try to hold onto a few more moments and memories and chats. But I intend to keep trying!

I love me some dirt!

2011-06-20T12:01:00.001-07:00

I love playing in the dirt. Since I have had kids I have lost sight of just how much. However this summer, I am finding my groove again. Getting out there digging and reclaiming my space till my muscles all happily ache. Finding ways to incorporate old bricks and new plants and finding things we can grow to eat. Trying more containers (still working on this one). Reading gardening blogs, looking at gardening pictures...daydreaming about dirt and plants and statuaries. (I sooo want one! End of this month there will be one added!) Watering, reading books, figuring out how to grow up and be a good little organic gardener. Time is lost when I am out there. Two hours is lost in a blink of an eye and leaves me ready to pout and stomp my feet when I have to come in. Coming in with dirty grubby toes and grass stained heels, dirt scuffs on my forehead, and plant matter in my hair...oooh how I love it. My therapy. Dirt time. I wish I knew more but right now I will keep going with my trial and error style. Planting stuff and watching it be eaten by Peter Rabbit and his Chipmunk friend. The garden is open!! Now for my goal this summer is a dinner party out back. Have to get it all finished so I can work on this...maybe early fall?? Hmmm I am thinking it is the year!

Good Days

2011-05-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

We have been making some good days here. We have been keeping it simple and visiting places nearby. We have been making simple things seem more like an adventure. We all mount up the bikes and wander out into our little world. We have been swimming at the Community Center, sketching at Dow Gardens, planting in the yard, and riding downtown for shakes and iced coffees. Our days are good. They bring us together as a family. They give us time to relax and breathe and feed each other. There is reading and cooking and chatting and movies...yep I think this time of summer practice is good. Summer you are welcome we are almost ready! A week and a half of school to go and a porch to clean and we are all yours!

Tuesday Nights

2011-05-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

Tuesday nights make me sad. It makes the weekend seem so far away and brings to light all those things I didn't seem to accomplish. I sigh with dread of the work week to come and the busyness of it all. Don't get me wrong I am very thankful to have a job to go to in this day and age. In fact I DO love my work. I do not love the environment it puts me in and the schedule it demands of me.

I sat on the porch this evening with a glass of wine and tried to soak up all the remaining goodness I could get of this very good weekend. Then I gave a huge sigh and brought myself to the couch.

My life is sooo very good. I so very much love being home. I love our home. More than love really. I feel truly blessed to live in such a great old home that makes me smile. However, there is never ever enough time to make it what is should be. No time to get the weeds pulled, the dust bunnies banished, the soap scum unscummed, the piles tidied, the clothes put away, the dinner cooked, the closets organized, the basement tamed...sigh...all this leaves me feeling spent and a tad melancholy as my weekend NEVER seems to be enough to get me ahead for the week to come...does anyone ever have it all balanced? Is there ever time enough for self care and home care? I am doubtful...

I had a fantastic weekend...I played in the dirt, I cooked, I thrifted, I spent time on the porch, I spent time with my Irishman, I rode bikes with the kids, and I got the deck on the way for the season...it was full and wonderful. So here is to a quick week so I can make it full circle for another lovely weekend!!

Recipes

2011-05-19T17:25:00.000-07:00

I was thinking as I made dinner this evening, that recipes are like scrapbooks. They bring back people and thoughts and memories. They make sure people are not forgotten even if it is just for that moment in which a meal is planned.

For instance this evening, I spent time with a dear foodie friend who has moved away, an old Junior High School friend, and thought fondly of a fabulous cook who has passed on. All these ladies touched me in some way. They were there at different phases of me. And at one point we shared a meal. We said to each other "this is great" and say it with me "Do you have the recipe?" At some point the answer to that was yes. They took time out of their lives and jotted them down.

Food is connecting. It brings you together as nothing else can. It says I love you, I care about you, let me feed you. I think that is big. So next time you are making a meal be sure to send some love to those who have inspired that meal. And next time someone says "Do you have the recipe?" know that you are leaving a footprint...a very memorable, important footprint.

Journey

2011-05-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

I have just completed a 21 Day Crazy Sexy Diet cleanse. www.crazysexylife.com I started this because I have heard so many people say it helped them with so many ailments. Things like body aches, joint pains, stomach problems, energy and fatigue. So seeing as I have many of those little, pesky things going on I thought I would give it a go.

During the 21 days you are Vegan and also Gluten free and you give up coffee and alcohol and sugar other than plant based ones (stevia and agave). You also drink gallons of green juice which is basically Kale, spinach, romaine lettuce, cucumbers, celery, ginger, broccoli stems, green apple or pear and despite the sound is tasty and something I was enjoying before the cleanse.

So that said, I am now at the floating and what to do now point. I am a little scared of food. I have come so far and reset so much of my food thinking and tastes but what now? Without the cleanse framework how do I make dinner and what do I put into my body? Especially, since I finally started to like what my body was doing. I liked how it was changing. This internal chat and dialogue is not made any way easier by friends. I would have to say overall that friends were the hardest part of this cleanse. I think it scares people when you are doing something like this. I think food and the sharing of food is a HUGE deal to us as people and our relationships and that when you change how you do that it effects others in a very big way. You are still the same and socially you are doing the same things but the shift which is just what you put in YOUR mouth really seems to make it awkward. People make the focus about your eating not about being together and chatting and laughing. People treat you very different when you choose to eat different. I found that it was very difficult for them to realize that I am making no judgment on their eating but was simply doing this for ME. My body needed change and wasn't getting it without a big jump start and an extreme change.

But then I had the cleanse to fall back on. It was a time frame thing. 21 days. NOW, already day two after the cleanse everyone thinks you just go back and add it all back in. They seem disappointed to think you might not. That you may never eat cheese again or you may never eat like them again. They really do not understand you might choose to keep going with all the "weird" foods and drinks. They do not support nor like that you CHOOSE this at all. It is very isolating. And it is really only just food!! It is not preaching. It is not shunning. It is not a grab for attention. It is about me making choices that are helping my body. Completely about seeking my natural balance and this is a work in progress. What is a natural balance? Will I ever really know? Can I take these next days post cleanse and find my balance? I worry.

It is difficult amidst all the nay saying chatter to hear what my body thinks is good and should be next. But that is the important lesson here listening to MY body. What works? What doesn't? What do I feel? My choices.

Grateful

2011-02-01T08:35:00.001-08:00

I am part of a Shutterfly group in support of a woman I have never met. Her name is Lanie and she is in the last stages of Breast Cancer. Today she posted her update and I am left with very little words. I am in awe of all the strong, brave people who keep trying to just have one more month, one more week, or even one more day. The people who never give up. As she said she is not fighting to save her life but to squeak out a little more time... and then I thought how very often I find myself taking for granted all those things I CAN do. I find my focus slips into the negatives "I don't feel well", "my hip hurts", "my back aches"... but I have time. I have a seemingly infinite amount of time in front of me. Then this brave woman I have never known points out that I am wasting that time really. I can walk to the kitchen, I can focus, I can think, I can read, I can breathe without pain, I can plan!!!, I can reasonably hope to see my children grow up, I can wrap my hands around a cup of coffee and breathe. I have the luxury of knowing I can do it all again tomorrow. I know the sore throat will heal the aches will subside and that I can LIVE with very little effort on my end I get the gift of life!! So today I am grateful for every breath and every step and am sitting on my comfy couch breathing in the candles, having a piece of chocolate, and a hot cup of coffee and thanking every single thing in the universe that has allowed me to do so. I send my hopes and prayers to Lanie and her family and hope she finds that bit more time, quality time that she can get in one more squeeze with her boys and her husband and that she can have one more day to smile. So raise your mug and be ever thankful that you are and that you can....

My Snow Day...

2011-01-18T06:01:00.001-08:00

We were fully expecting the ladies to have a snow day today... they did not. I on the other hand am. I am relishing this morning of having nowhere to go or rush off to or get ready for. I got out my special present mug, pulled out the sugar cubes (my decadent treat) and made an entire pot of coffee, I lit my candles and incense, put on my music, assembled my pile of magazines and my book, took a passing gaze at my vision board still imagining what else I want to fill in the rest, arranged the quilts and blankies on the Big comfy couch...and here I sit! My life is usually full. In a good way. But I miss these kinds of days where my big plan is if I want another cup of coffee and how I am going to get it. I miss days sitting looking out the window watching everyone else go about their business while I snuggle up and breathe and rest. I am a people person, a doer, and my empty days are far too few. I am better at saying no but not perfect. But today I am claiming time for this sagging spirit. Time to mend and regroup. Time to enjoy quiet and actually read the words on a page and who knows maybe even put some words on the page. Wishing you peace this snowy day of ours and may you find time to create your own snow day feeling.

See her...

2010-12-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

See this lovely lady...she is wise. (Even that is not a big enough word...) She gets things far beyond her years and really brings me back to what matters. I asked her why she was so excited for Christmas...reminder here she is 9...she doesn't list off all the presents or things you might expect...she says to me, "I am excited to go to Grandma and Grandpa's and see their faces on Christmas morning. I love everyone's face on Christmas day they all seem so happy." SHE IS NINE!!! And when she saw Santa this year she told him..."You are magic and I think you would know best what I should have." I am amazed by her and am grateful that she reminds me of what is important.

Today I had my girlfriends stop in for tea or coffee and we sat on the comfy couch and giggled and vented and just rested for a while and of course we ate!!! We all just needed the time to sit and it was good for my spirit. December has been a test for me and I have pretty much failed most of it or have yet to see my lessons I have been supposed to learn. But I am making it through and with a few more obligations and a 6 hr. drive in my future I will get time soon to sit and be a slug...I truly look forward to some time on the couch with some books or even some good ole chick flicks...but till then wishing everyone a very Peaceful Yule. A Merriest of Christmases and very safe travels and some sitting time!!

Bah Humbug

2010-12-14T20:28:00.000-08:00

Tis the season...I am trying to be excited. Trying to seize what is good and find some spirit deep down in my being. Alas, I am not finding it. I am exhausted... I know we all have that feeling from time to time especially as women and mothers but this is just beyond that. This is to my core fatigued. I would really like to spend this season this year in my jammies sitting on my couch eating popcorn and watching bad tv. But I am trying. I am putting on my happy face (not well I have no poker face) and plowing my way through the month that is December and the holiday that is Christmas. I am beyond sight of what the season should be and how I should feel. I am just really off... even the gifts I am making are getting done in bits not together for completion and delivery. I haven't even had anyone in for tea or coffee this season and it makes me sad. Working all the way up to our departure to Indy and adding a day of overtime to that mix are not helping me relax and make peace. And having a minor fender bender in the bad weather that was Sunday are all hanging heavy...so I am sorry December but I will be ok with your passing. New Year has always been my favorite I look forward to the possibility. And at some point I will breathe and relax and feel this unexplained weight lifted from me...and if I knew it what it was you better believe I would be working on it...till that discovery Happy Christmas to you all may you enjoy the comfort of family and friends this season!

2010-12-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

I was looking around at some blogs today and came across Thrifty Decor Chick...and she is having a share your Christmas tree link up and I so loved looking at all the trees on there I thought I would play along. I love our ecclectic tree. Every ornament reminds me of something special. We try and buy one on any trip we go on so there are many small little places that would have slipped from memory had there not been a little reminder to hang on the tree. Our tree is more scrapbook than decorator showplace but I love seeing those ornaments and sitting in the big purple chair to watch them all while I have a cup of coffee. I put my most favorite ornaments over by the chair so I can see them more!! http://thriftydecorchick.blogspot.com/

Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! May you all be surrounded by things that make you realize how important you are in this world!!

I am thankful for so very much: = My Irishman who understands me and is my partner in every sense of the word in this big crazy world.

= My ladies who have made me want to do more and better things in this world just because I share it with them.

= My parents for meeting, liking each other, and thinking it would be good that I was here!

= My home. I count my blessings everyday that I am lucky enough to have this great old house to live in and make memories in.

= Food. I am grateful that we have so much healthy, well farmed, and locally grown food to keep us strong. And that my family shares a love of meals and cooking together and that given a choice they choose my food over anything else!!

= My Body. That it is this amazing thing that helps me accomplish so much in this world. That it is strong and still learning and trying new things.

= Books. I am ever thankful to all those who put words on paper so that I can travel and learn and have new experiences and that my children can have such grand adventures all from the comfort of our house.

= My Friends. That I am surrounded with people who lift me up and push me to grow and see my good parts even when I am doing my best to hide them.

Oh this list could continue for quite some time. I am a very, very lucky woman. May you find yourself wrapped in gratitude this holiday!

Water...

2010-11-18T08:53:00.000-08:00

This is me and I NEED to be near water!!

It touches my soul...

It makes me a nicer person...

And it brings me peace to my very core...

Now I am wrestling with not if I will live by water but when and how and where...I will. I am putting it out there Universe now listen up and hand this over to me I need it! It makes my heart hurt to think I can't be on or near water right now...but I am looking at my options and trying to figure out what in my big head full of dreams is our best option as a family. But there will be WATER!! Oh yes there will!

My daughter says...

2010-11-15T10:03:00.000-08:00

So my sage 9 year old says to me...you aren't so much a blogger you know. You are more of a facebooker. This is true and it stung. I would much rather my astute young person know me as a blogger than a facebooker. I would rather she associate me with original ideas and creating. But I want to tell you how many thousands of thoughts and ideas I have for this little blog of mine and how overwhelming are the stories I would like to weave and how no matter how many photos I take I never seem to have the one that matches the ideas in my head. My young sage is ever so correct though that I should just type. The photos are just eye candy. The meat is the words anyhow. So in an effort to find my voice again I sit today on this cold threatening snow day, blueberry muffins for a bake sale in the oven, Ray Lamontagne on the stereo, incense piping away trying to think of all the things I was meaning to create here...and wouldn't ya know they all went running from my head?

So let's just start with the obvious...above are photos from a class I took at our Nature Center. It was a wood stove cooking class.

Let me just start by saying, I do not have a wood stove and it would take some major home renovation for me to have one. Every time we go out there to visit the Homestead they are cooking or have something going on their little stove and I am always drawn there like a moth to a flame. Asking questions, fascinated, and the foodie in me dying to get my hands in there and give it a go and cook! So when I saw registration for this class I took some leave from work and signed up, I got the last slot is that meant to be or what. I have taking various cooking classes before and I wrongly assumed this one would be similar, you know a tutorial with some sampling at the end.

Oh, how very wrong that was, you do know what they say about assumptions? We hit the ground running at 9:30am we got a brief down and dirty this is how to light and keep the stove hot, these woods have this effect, and here is your menu for the day you will be making breakfast, snack, and dinner for guests. We were all stunned. What? Right now? Just cook it?? Me?? So me and the other 5 ladies jumped in and got to work and let me tell you how very much work that day was. I have never known such a tired. A good tired. An I worked hard all day on my feet tired.
We were responsible for all prep, all cooking, all mixing, all water fetching, all washing of dishes. Let me tell you now our cabin was pretty authentic no electricity and no running water. This was really an eyeopener to gratefulness for modern convenience! Hot, clean, running water is one of the best modern day marvels ever the second would have to be electricity!

I can't wrap my head around what pioneer women went through. There were 6 of us and the 2 instructors and all we had to do was cook. We were not working in gardens, minding children, mending, doing the wash, etc... and we still couldn't manage to do it all gracefully and smoothly. How ever did they balance it all?? How?!!

I must say though that that meal was incredible. We ate and we chatted and we bonded and we were made appreciative of what we do have. And what an atmosphere and such an awesome evening shared with my family who got to come and have dinner the old fashioned way.

I can't believe I signed up for such a day of work and paid to do so!! We didn't get home till 7:30pm!! But it was worth it for the memory and perspective. Let's just say the next night I wasn't so slow to make dinner. It seemed so very simple and easy in comparison and truly left me feeling so very thankful and blessed for what we now have.

Busking in the Kitchen

2010-10-04T15:31:00.001-07:00

So after dinner there was busking in our kitchen. Two little ladies made signs and sang to us for money. Ella even asked for a cup for her money and has been crafting more signs with higher demands this evening. But it made me smile to have them singing away in the kitchen and for the bargain basement price of twenty-five cents a song! There were even a couple of originals
performed.

And for their troubles there was Vegan Chocolate Cake with buttercream frosting.

Transitions

2010-09-30T13:40:00.001-07:00

Transitions...I seem to finding them everywhere. Some really good bringing peace and contentment. Some I am fighting and digging in my heels with the utmost resistance. And some are just making me feel lonely and sad. I know this is life. And I know all the stuff going on isn't really much on the radar scope of life just blips. Little bits of life nothing compared to the stories of some but right now I have enough little blips to keep me hanging on.

And today a very dear friend of mine is retiring. I am happy for him. Glad he gets to relax and explore and move on. But I am really very sad. He and I have been friends for 16 years. We have been through so very many big life things together not to mention surviving that place called work. And today the person who has talked me off the proverbial ledge more times than I can count, is riding off into his sunset. It just feels like a loss.

So I am still here. Treading water and trying to find an even keel but right now I am not doing this gracefully I am tired, I am edgy, I am on the verge of tears...but I do know this is all good and it too will all pass and when I am through it all I hope I will have learned something from it and can find a bit of peace.

Where have I been??

2010-09-05T06:54:00.001-07:00

There was David Gray and Ray Lamontagne

There was coffee with a view...

There was a Drive in Movie...

There was swimming...

There was building...

There were picnics and music
in the gardens...

There was tomato canning!

There were great eats...

There were train rides...

There were naked cowboys...

We went to New York...major goal for trip

was to see the Intrepid which we gratefully

did it was incredible!

There have been S'mores

There was blueberry picking

There was some porch reading...

(not nearly enough of this)

There were camps...

There were visits from Dear friends

There were celebratory tea parties...

There were Lego exhibits

And Museums...

Jack Johnson...and concerts...

Boated with friends...

B and I Relayed and she sang...

Bandanas for Relay...

4th of July spent watching things crash...

E and one of the things that crashed

love us some figure 8!!

So as you can see life has been full. Very full!! In a good way but I must say I might have just packed a little too much into my days this summer. Just a tiny bit...she says laughing...

But this summer brought beach time, and I am so in love with the beach that I didn't say no and still feel like I didn't get enough in. Not enough wasting away by the water for me ever!! We got to wander with friends. We got to giggle a lot!! We got to hear a lot of live music in case you forget it is important to support live music so go out and see bands and cheer and say thank you for sharing yourself. We got to reconnect with family. We got to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We took advantage of what our local farmers have worked so hard to produce and our freezer is thankfully stocked for the winter ahead. Encourage farmers to farm food!! Find your local farmer's market every place has one somewhere. Go out and buy! You can't beat fresh picked produce for dinner! And many markets have happy chicken's eggs, and healthy farmed meats! Right there on your doorstep! No excuses. Hook up with a CSA or a u-pick and fill up your pantries and freezers! I canned for the first time this year and am looking forward to more next year. We read LOTS!!! We dined on the porch. We swam. We watched the world go by.

And now we get ready for the beginning of another school year and getting back into our schedule. I have read several articles lately about how September should be the New Year. How everything feels fresh and goals get set. How the scent of fall makes you want to turn inward and begin to make change. I love this time of year although it makes me a bit sad that my time with my girls gets to be less. Our adventures get more spread out as my work schedule and their school schedule do not always mesh. But FALL!! Oh how I love fall!!

I have had a goal every summer to have a dinner party with friends and have yet to achieve it...hmmm maybe fall??? Harvest party? Yeah I haven't been busy enough!

Hope everyone enjoyed their season and are all ready for the "New Year"!

made a change

2010-07-22T14:27:00.000-07:00

I have been a blogging MIA so I am letting my guest blogger the Lady B have a go at filling you all in! I will be back soon!

Well your probably wondering what do i mean when i say made a change. Well i recently joined
relay for life and my mom is a co-captain . cool huh! it's really a good feeling is really good .you can really make a difference if you try.and if i may I'd like to point out that I'm 9 and I can make a difference .well the way i did that was i had a bake sale and i raised $ 120.92 wwwwwwwwwwooooooooowwwwwwww!!!!!!!!! my same thoughts too.

and that's the scoop on how we made a difference

Happy Father's Day!!

2010-06-19T17:25:00.000-07:00

My girls are lucky to have this man in their lives. He is patient, he is kind, he is intelligent, he is creative, he inspires, he encourages, and he brings order to our girly chaos. I only hope if the ladies someday settle down that they find someone with all the same characteristics as their Dad. He is an amazing person and I am so very lucky to call him my best friend! Thank you Irishman for all the many things you do to keep your girls happy! We really do appreciate them all!

Summer Feet

2010-06-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

John caught us girls and our summer feet on the porch swing...there is something I just love about being barefoot in summer with happy painted toes looking up at me. And something I love more than that is being on my porch on the swing!! I like sitting out there watching the world roll along, taking a break from it all. It is like someone pushes the pause button for a little while and I can breathe and daydream. I take a book, light some candles and incense, grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and just lose myself. In fact, I lost myself so completely last week I fell asleep on the swing just swaying in the evening breeze listening to the windchimes and the birds...there may not be words enough for how much I love a good porch!! So wishing you some porch swinging, watching the world pass you by time...

The Style...

2010-06-09T09:06:00.000-07:00

Ella got ready for the art fair the other day and this was her outfit...there is a style and a sass and a confidence that this little lady has in matters of fashion that I so wish I possessed. How do we loose that sureness. That "I am awesome" feeling about ourselves? Where does it go? And how do we let people take it from us? I have a big ole hope that I can keep it there for my lovely ladies. That I can preserve it for just a bit longer and let them be proud of their choices and style no matter what that may be. So maybe just one day in your week you will find a bit of your sass and have an Ella style day!

Snuggle up day...

2010-05-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

Today the skies have opened...the gray has set in for a spell...the winds are blustery...and I command ye all to snuggle in the softest, coziest quilt you own (older is definitely better for this occasion), light a few gently scented candles, gather your journal, your favorite book, and a hot cup of liquid (your choice I suggest a sumatran or a double bergamont earl grey), and curl yourself up into your most favorite nesting spot and indulge the senses in all things peaceful...listen to the rain splatter, the winds chime or put on the music that makes you daydream! You are under orders so do not miss this opportunity...settle in relax and restore!!

Happy Feet!

2010-05-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you looked down and were made to smile by a glimpse of your feet...I double dog dare you to not smile when you look at the ladies' footwear...see you couldn't do it could you!! How I covet those lime green shoes!!! Enjoy your day find a little happy and a whole lot of color!

The signs...

2010-05-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

The signs have begun again...now if only the answer would follow!

Where have I been you ask??

2010-05-10T06:07:00.000-07:00

So where did I go? How could I have disappeared? How could I have left you hanging? Well it just happened. Life crept in and took over and devoured my extra energy and give a care. So over a month later I return. With only photos to share...photos taken with anticipation of finding a home in a snuggly blog post about the day, the event, the memories...alas that has gone and we have photos...we have been waiting for spring to sprung...rolling around in what sunshine we have found...watching things bloom and grow...finding museums and playing and exploring...travelling and seeing new places and old friends...waiting for baseball weather...listening to music...watching movies...having dates...eating new foods in new places...daydreaming...plotting...planning...pausing for some splashing...quenching the thrist with a few beverages...and just being together enjoying the world as we wander through.

Daffodil Days

2010-03-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

Oh and can I tell you how happy I was to see the Daffodil Days sign at our local Flower shop? I watch for it and hope for it because it means Spring is here! And I buy up many bundles of the sunshiny buds and deliver them to friends who need to see the end to a long winter!! And then they all start to open and the promise of Spring is more than a promise!!

Also after a date with my lovely Miss B... we came home with the Percy Jackson book series. I have not read it but it must be good she is riveted and making her way through book two! Blossom and read!!!

Maple Syrup time!!

2010-03-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

Look it is Ireland in the snow!!!

I get excited when the Maple Syrup days come to the Chippewa Nature Center! It means the thaw is coming! We are almost out of the wintry woods so to speak! So after a crankified day at work, I met my gang out there for a mucky trudge on the trails and the feel of the sun and a hint at the season to come. Bronwyn packed up all her journals and notebooks and tries to be scientific, and Ella does her model poses and runs till she has a mud spatter pattern all the way up her backside, and me I happily plod in my best purchase of the Winter 2009 my Bogs, and the Irishman thankfully captures our day on film. Ironically, it has been a bad syrup year up here due to TOO WARM of temperatures!! Mixed blessings I would say! Hope all are enjoying the promise of sun!

Some days all you need is a laugh...

2010-02-25T05:34:00.001-08:00

This face was how our day started...
Ella said look I can spell wow... with her fingers
for w's and her mouth for the o...she greeted my
sleep deprived, joint aching self in the bathroom
this morning. To say this is just what I needed is
a complete understatement. A big ole goofy belly
laugh puts the world in better perspective.
Then we had a morning of faces
from The Scream...

To shy face...
This is brave...

This is a very convincing sad...

This is just my lovely girl...

This was her brave...funny how in their

world brave looks like a statue...

Her scared face??

And finally this is what we sent

their teachers this morning...two

dramatic, giggling girls!

Love comes simply...

2010-02-14T16:04:00.000-08:00

Love comes simply in our house...

Coffee set up for your early rise...

A note telling you you are lovely...

Flowers all smiley and "You've Got Mail" esque...

Construction paper hearts with the very bestest 1st Grade spelling...
Veggie pot pie for dinner complete with love hearts...

Chocolate Puddle Cookies (ala 101 Cookbooks)...

A poem written from a very big 9 year old heart...

And time together snuggled on the couch thinking our blessings are very large!!!

Happy Valentine's Day to you all! Hope you are finding snuggle times and everyday moments that make your heart swell!

Swimming

2010-02-06T12:21:00.000-08:00

I am treading water. I am trying hard to swim. To stay afloat, amidst the negativity and ire that surrounds me. I am trying not to be sucked in but again and again I get tugged by a current that threatens to pull me under. A current that draws me into the swirling eddies and attempts to pull me under too. I do not have quiet or peace or calm that I seek in my day to day life. But at the moment I am surrounded by so many people with unrest in their worlds. They rage and they attack never looking outside themselves to realize all they damage in their storms. So there are a few of us that are being hauled in and beaten about because of their irritation with their world. And I am waiting to see if I am to be thrown against the rocks or if I will pass into the eye of the storm left to try to heal and band aid up my wounds. I also am left to wonder how to prevent myself from being sucked into their wake in the future. You see I have this very stubborn opinionated way about me that makes me completely unable to hold my tongue for too long. I eventually spew and give everyone my thoughts after nearly biting a hole in my tongue!!! So how to not be me? Or is that even the problem?? Sigh...more swimming yet to do!

Letting go...

2010-02-03T06:13:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have trouble letting go of something not good for you? Something that weighs on your spirit and makes you feel heavy? Something that is beyond your control and your logical brain knows is not your fault and tells you you do not need this...but for some reason your heart clings to the pain and slights and the upsets of all the old situations... A name, a face, a glance, a memory...all showing you that you were not enough...you for some reason did not fit... Logic says that that is a good thing for you. That fate saved you from being somewhere that was really bad for you...but that darn heart is still pretty bruised up and hurt and aching... and the fixer that you have always been just wants it all wrapped up in a pretty bow and made a.ok. Logic needs to win here...nothing healthy and uplifting and supportive can come from this. Hopefully logic finds a special super power, a kryptonite for the heart because the heart is leading the pack...

La Serenata

2010-02-01T06:34:00.000-08:00

What I wouldn't give to be ducking into La Serenata right now. With the promise of an awesome coffee and gorgeous Italian food. I dream about their lasagna! The building makes me happy with it's ancient stonework and nooks and crannies. It also has these fantastic stained glass windows. It was one of the first places I went to in Roscrea (Tipperary, Ireland). I had gone to visit John's family for the first time and he took me there for tea...at the time it wasn't Italian but still lovely and yummy...we called it the Restaurant of the Shaking Table because John in his nervousness of seeing me again after a couple of years apart bounced his leg the whole time causing the table to vibrate and the milk to slosh and the tea to tremble...and before we went over this year someone had told us it had closed down. I was saddened...so many memories so much foodie love...but thankfully they were mistaken and we got to sneak in and have a few meals and coffees. Bronwyn the pasta girl loved it. Ella like wandering around pretending she was in a castle. And John and I just soaked in all the memories and pretended we were young again and there weren't two cute little girls calling us Mom and Dad.

NINE!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-09T17:10:00.000-08:00

This curly haired little pixie of a child is nine today....nine years ago, I was feeling a little icky and went to bed early...only be woken hours later by a gush and the beginning of my little lady to make her way to us. She was two weeks early, and we had no idea if she was a she...but there she was tiny in her 6 lb self and gorgeous, my most vivid memory in the haze of those first few days was how gorgeous her little lips were. The color looked like she had come to us with lipstick on. Everyday this lady shows us how to be grateful and kind and all around better people and we are ever so lucky that she came to us and that we can call her our daughter. She has grand ideas about her place in the world and she seems to be trying on new styles and personalities right now trying to find her fit...so today we let her try on another dimension and have a few blue streaks in her hair at her big salon day with friends. Where this bright, caring , concientious little lady will go is anyone's guess but one thing I am sure of she will go there with grace and gratitude. We love you Bronwyn wishing you many more days of creativity and blossoming!!

Where did December go???

2009-12-22T16:10:00.000-08:00

Where did December go??? Why oh why did my Christmas Spirit fail me so?? I wasn't a Scrooge but Bah Humbug fit me much more better than Ho Ho Ho. I did gift, I did make some things, I did decorate, I socialized, I santa'd, I caroled, I tried so very hard to breathe...but this year it just didn't come. I felt like I was moving through December in some kind of bubble...I could see it all I could appreciate it all I just couldn't feel it all...

I don't quite know what happened. I do know that those two by the igloo and me and that Irishman in the bottom photo are getting on a plane on Friday and winging our way to Ireland. Once again I should be excited and looking forward to a trip many people only dream about, but I am tired so very, very tired. I am simply numb. I am hoping when all the pressure of the holiday and getting everyone ready for the trip is over that I will relax and have a truly wonderful trip...it is Ireland and they are Irish people so all the potential for laughing and letting go and moving on are really there. Just will I be??

And not helping any of this emotional stuff is my back. I am not even comfortably couched. I have meds that work but cannot work with the meds...so am hoping I can get myself back onto an even footing that the pain can be managed so as not to eclipse so much good. But tonight it is a gianormous eclipse over the good...I really just want to cry...and now the Irishman has the weather on and it looks like weather might mess up our trip just a bit more...I am not sure my normally strong self has much coping left...think I could come up with a big ole two year old sized temper tantrum but not much resignation and peace with any impending situations...sigh...I will keep shovelling!!

Hope you all are having a truly restful and very happy holiday season! Hope to give a bit of an update once we get across the pond...

Feed me...

2009-12-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

There are people in the world that feed you...both literally and figuratively. They make you reach higher, they fill you with light, they heal you, they just love you in your entirety whatever that might be. Well I am fortunate that two of those people in my life came to my house today to share our Christmas. We had waffles with fried apples and roasted walnuts and almonds, tea and coffee and curled up on the couch and opened pressies and listened to lovely music as the incense filled the air with the scent of peace. I find these two always feed my spirit. They pick gifts that remind me through the year what I want in my world. The feeling of peace and contentment I so crave. And they gift to grow that feeling...it feels like Christmas/the Holidays to me once we have had our tea date. My home begs to be decorated for Christmas and it never feels like it has been honored until company comes in for a cup of tea and a goodie or two... I am so grateful that these ladies are in my life and thankful I am able to call them friends.

Happy Holidays to all may you have a friend you can call on for tea and snuggly times.

The Quiet...

2009-12-05T10:51:00.000-08:00

The quiet that happens this time of year, you know the one, when the decorations are up...the lights and candles lit...that time when you can put on the Holiday music and curl up on your favorite chair with a snuggly blankie and a cup of tea and just breathe it all in...and take a break from the swirl of Holiday events and activities and just soak in the quiet...the peace...the beginning of Winter. The time for rest and reflections on where you have come from and where you are going to. A time to think on all those we love, have loved, and a time of gratitude for all the blessings we truly find ourselves with. I know I get consumed with all the external events, people, places, and feelings, so I truly need a seasonal kick in the pants to look around and see how really, really, good my life is!! May you all find a moment out of the craziness to soak in some quiet and enjoy all your hard work you have done all year. Holiday wishes for blessings and peace.

5K...

2009-11-29T09:17:00.001-08:00

So, Bronwyn took part in a program called Girls On the Run. It is set up to empower girls and help them work as a team to meet the goal to run a 5K while learning about body image issues, treating themselves with respect, and healthy living. It is sponsored by Shelterhouse our local domestic violence center. In order to run in this event, my little lady had to have a running buddy. She asked me. I was honored and scared. I am not a runner. I have done it but am not a runner. Then I got sick for most of the practice season and that just added to my fear. So on November 19th I layered up, put on my running shoes, and went with one determined young lady to see what my unfit, unpracticed body could accomplish. Lo and behold...I finished! We walked some or I might have died but we finished the whole thing in 45 minutes so for one non-runner and one 8 yr. old I am pretty proud of that! And all this done to lead in the Santa Parade, culminating in my lovely girl getting a medal and Santa finally making his way downtown!! So if you think you can't do something, if it scares you to think it, then maybe just maybe that is the one thing you absolutely need to be out there doing!!

Horse Show

2009-11-15T10:08:00.000-08:00

Bronwyn had her first horse "show". It was a learning show so the kids could get used to how a show runs and what is expected of them. The folks who organize it also make sure that every kid gets a ribbon for every event they participate in. And although Bronwyn looked completely overwhelmed and lost, she got up there, she rode, she hung on, and she completed her events with a big ole smile. And those two ribbons she brought home were better than gold to her. A lifetime of self-confidence in the making! Way to go Bronwyn! Keep reaching, keep trying, and most of all keep smiling!

This one...

2009-11-12T07:32:00.000-08:00

Yep this goofy, little, monkey of a child is now SIX as of yesterday!!! Might I remind you that this is in fact my baby!!! And my baby is now SIX!!!!!!!!! I am not sure what happened to the time...where it went...how it flew...how it slipped so quickly through my fingers...but what I know without a doubt is how very fortunate we are to have her in our world to make us laugh and smile and embrace our inner goofiness. May the world bring you much laughter and giggles in return my wonderful little monkey!! And wish us luck the big shindig is tomorrow night. She wanted a Music party complete with dancing, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Miley Cyrus.

Blissed Out Posse

2009-11-04T10:16:00.001-08:00

I recently had a friend who was angry and in the process of departing our circle of friends, who in agitation said "you and your blissed out posse". At first I was hurt, as anyone who is being left by a friend of many years would be, but in retrospect I rolled that phrase around in my head and found I liked it. I liked it a lot. I kind of think it is a pretty awesome thing to be part of a "Blissed Out Posse". I mean how many people nowadays find much bliss? How many give themselves over to happy? Far too few in my very humble opinion.

And as I thought about the women who make up this posse, I am awed and blessed to call each of them my friend. How fortunate I am in this busy, crazy, negative world to find these ladies seeking to be the best them they can be. Ladies who would open their arms and take you in if that is what you needed, ladies who support each other, ladies who nuture each other, ladies who will feed you mentally and literally, ladies who provide each other with a safe place to blossom, ladies who find the importance to take time out to giggle, and dance and be a little goofy. As moms, daughters, friends, girlfriends, wives, career women, domestic engineers...you can get lost in all those roles and titles and lose sight of who you were and where you wanted to be going. So if I can say, I think being in a Blissed Out Posse should be a goal for everyone.

When was the last time you felt or recognized bliss? For me it comes in stolen small moments. The smell of coffee...bliss

Good music, candles, incense and a book to read...bliss

The smell of dinner cooking...bliss

The feel of snuggling into the blankies for an afternoon nap...bliss

The feel of a hot cup of tea in my favorite mug...bliss

Taking a walk and seeing and feeling the season...bliss

Losing myself in yoga...bliss

Laughing like I was five over goofy humor with silly friends...bliss

Dancing like I am 20 and not worrying about the world...bliss

So it comes even in little forms... and sometimes it is your perspective and how you slant your world that bring it. I think everyone, especially us girls, need a time out for some bliss. Life isn't or shouldn't always be analyzing and dissecting and looking for problems and placing blame and well a job or chore...sometimes it just needs a little carefree bliss.

So to my Posse thank you for loving me and supporting me and giggling with me. To those of you outside our group...you are always welcome but you must love laughter, goofiness, and have a little peace for yourself... And to you who left, thank you for showing me my blessings.

Time for Yoga

2009-10-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

(Guest blogger Bronwyn back again this evening!!)

Hi it's me Bronwyn. I am here to tell you about yoga. Me and my mom do yoga. It's

so fun and cool!!! We also have a very good teacher her name is Meshle. When we

go to yoga we have so much fun.

Love,Bronwyn OOO

My Mom

2009-10-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

(Today I have a guest blogger named Bronwyn this is her first post in the blogging world!! She requested the above picture so I am not just being vain really I am not!!)

My mom is amazing she can take care of two children. And she is so cool !!! I

just love my mom . And I get to see her a lot !!! And she is very buteful.

She is also very strong girl. I love her becaues she love's me!!! I also love her.

I am so glad to have her as my mom.

Love, Bronwyn McCoy. OOO

Fall drive

2009-10-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you aren't feeling the best, there can still be some really great moments that remind you life is really not so bad. My drive north to teach my class was dreaded this month as I have a flu/cold bug. But I didn't want to cancel because I am only up there once a month. So I packed up and jumped in the beetle and made my way north. I went straight to Beulah beach and listened to the water tickle the shore, then I got to the incredible studio and immersed myself in the peace of it all (I even managed to choreograph a bit), the class was lovely the women are incredible, I woke up early (darn cold!!) and slipped back over to the beach where I enjoyed rich, dark cup of coffee and a scone...I sat enjoying fall's chill and read for awhile...then I wandered up into town bought a few pressies, went to the fantastic Gwen Frostic Printer's, and meandered my way home stopping for mums and oogling the fall colors on the way...once home the ladies were antsy hoping to go out for pizza. So I pulled myself off the comfy couch, and we went for pizza and a wander through the downtown to see the scarecrows. It was a good evening. Even though I now sit on the couch spent and aching and stuffy with work worry on my mind and an inability to breathe through the future...life has big tests for us sometimes and I just am not up to the next one...I am quite disgruntled and upset and hoping I make peace with it all quickly!

Big Girls Room

2009-10-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

This one is a bit blurry but look they have a floor!!!

So the new arrangement in the girls room was all sparked by this desk above that I got for free at a garage sale. It was painted black, over, blue, over white...you get the idea. But Bronwyn had been asking for a real desk, somehow my big third grader was no longer able to fold herself into the little tykes desk (not with lack of trying mind you). John put a new top on the desk and added an extension that is hinged and can fold down on the end to accomodate Ella. They spent most of yesterday evening organizing things in drawers and setting it all up. Bronwyn's first words were "Can I do my homework here?!!!" Which in true first born fashion, she sat down and finished before she got too involved in the rest.

I wandered in there this morning and it hit me hard...this is not longer a little girls' room...it has morphed overnight into a big girls' room. Well outside of the clouds still on the ceiling and the stars on the wall, which my Bronwyn is requesting a new paint job she has ideas and plans this one! And before the life that is two young ladies, takes over and destroys it all I wanted to capture the shift and change. My heart ached just a little to see the board books replaced by chapter books, and the coloring books replaced by journals and writing. The clothing is no longer whimsical but fashionable...my babies are growing up. All those times going into that room to soothe someone crying, or for a nighttime nursing....standing in the doorway just to get one more peek at them before bedtime...makes me just a little melancholy...but very proud at the same time. We are raising two unique, incredible young ladies that bring us smiles, frustrations, and challenges who make our days full and our hearts doubly so!

The Truck...

2009-10-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

Did anyone see the truck that ran me over?? I think this may have been the one! I have washed hands, chloroxed keyboards and handsets, I have yoga'd and tea'd hoping to dodge the ick. And darn it all if it hasn't arrived anyway to plow me over and make me want to curl up in the fetal position and not come out for a very long time. And cap that off with a little emotional angst and a few tears and I am a big ball of junk! So once I heal and journal and smudge and have myself a little pity party I shall be back. But if you see this truck get its license plate number!!

Party...

2009-09-28T17:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you come home and you find Raggedy Anne having her own little party in the blue room tamborine and all...then you wonder what happened to Andy?
May everyone find a little time to have a little party all of their own!!

Being a grown up

2009-09-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

No one tells you that being a grown up is such hard work. Once you feel like you have a really good groove going life throws you twists and turns and new paths and openings. Things you didn't know you wanted or could even be possible...things you can't wrap your head around and you have to make it work somehow. You have to find a way to keep yourself going down the path and not just stop and sit down in the middle of it and let it swirl all around you. Even though you really want to have a big ole two year old size tantrum in the middle of the path it is now your job to stand up dust yourself off and keep on following the twists to see where you will end up. No one will or can do it for you as much as you would like them to. And all you can do is believe with all you got that it is for a reason...that growth will come...that the a-ha moment is right around one of those bends...and try to keep breathing deep, light the incense, and bury yourself inside yourself to see what it all might mean...and be open to the idea there really is a reason in it all you just have to continue the journey to see the bigger picture...but sometimes just sometimes I think it might be nice to not be a grown up...

Ella's New Smile

2009-09-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

Our Ella has yet another new smile! At age five she has been through many goofy incarnations in the smiling world. Now she has a tooth, gap, tooth, gap pattern going on! It feels like everyday for months she has been in the process of losing a tooth or two. Once one makes it's way free another is loosening up for the journey. And now her little mouth seems too small to house so many grown up chompers. I can see some orthodontics in our future. She takes it in stride although she has been a little hesitant to show us her big smile so with some cheerleading by her Dad and I she let us get a couple of shots of that silly little smile that just as all the others have will change and grow and be gone before we even remember what happened.

Guess what....

2009-09-02T21:27:00.000-07:00

I got to spend the whole day with these people!!! The ever incredible Irishman (who likes me said all giggly and teenager like), the little monster baby (who is not so much a baby any more), and my very wise elderstatesman... It was nice to just be with them. No agendas, no timelines, just no hurry. Exploring the world as a family. Sometimes life just gets in the middle of all this and I forget just how very lucky I am and just how very much I like these people I live with. They are each very unique and each such a very important part of my story! It is so good to reconnect and remember exactly why and how much I love them! Hoping everyone gets a day to reconnect with the people they love soon!!

Summer Dinner...

2009-08-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah it is too a dinner!!! When you are at your friend's cottage and you are by a big fire...what else is there to possibly make for dinner other than Smores? And what better to wash them down with than a lovley red wine? Sometimes it is good to reduce your culinary tastes to being five!! Wishing you all such a dinner before Summer is good and gone!

Chocolate Cake...

2009-08-24T18:20:00.001-07:00

John and Ella say no more

paparazzi!!

A little after dinner

meditation from my yoga girl!

So tonight we had shrimp scampi, roasted green beans (thank you Betty they were yummy), and Moosewood Cookbook's Vegan Chocolate Cake!!

The Chocolate cake is super easy and super yummy as witnessed by the lack of pausing seen above! So love dinner and dessert on the porch! Been a long time since I took a time to make a dessert! I have been inspired by reading Julie and Julia to get back into the kitchen...mind you I will not be pulling out any Julia Child recipes!! No brains, livers, etc...for me, I would never stomach it! But playing around with fresh herbs and veggies while they last would be a welcome change to the runaway train of eating out I have found myself on. Now what to do with all those grains that I can't always identify in the pantry...recipe suggestions anyone???

Fifteen years...

2009-08-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary to my best friend...

It has been fifteen years since we made this life of ours together official...let me tell you I cannot fathom how it could be so long when at the most it feels like a month. Life is just such a whirlwind, it is like it stops spinning for a moment and there it is...you get a glimpse of where you are then it just starts back up spinning around you again... But one thing I know in all the whirling is that I am truly blessed. I have got to spend my time in this life with my best friend. The one person in the world I can always talk to, the one person who gets me, the one person who always makes me laugh...I couldn't be more fortunate. He brings me peace and makes a very good resting place for my very busy head. May we have each other for another lifetime of adventure and giggles!

Summer luncheon...

2009-08-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

Although today it is raining, we have had a lovely mild summer. Cool, fantastic front porch days...and my most favorite summer lunch, tomato, mozzarella, fresh basil and balsamic vinegar...oh and why not throw in some balsamic and olive oil with whole grain baguette...makes me sad to think we are cramming in all our summer fun now. Trying to get in all those things we "said" we would do and all the places we "said" we would go...sigh...just never enough time! So enjoy your days! Get a little more Summer in!

Away...reaching...faith...

2009-08-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

These two lovely ladies have been gone almost a week. They went on adventures with their Grandparents in Indiana. It is so hard letting them go away. Especially, when you are left in the space they normally fill. They fill our lives with stories, questions, adventure, frustrations, growth, and most of all laughter. So when they are gone (which isn't often!!) it leaves our home with a completely different energy and it takes this Mama a few days to ease into that feeling. Ease being a nice way of putting sadness and tears. As mothers, we all dream of a break. You know of days of lounging and self indulgence...yet when those days are gifted to us it feels like something is missing and it takes a bit of fumbling around to stop trying to fill it all up and settle into the abnormal quiet in our home. I had visions of reading ( a lot) of wine and chocolate and romantic dinners with the Irishman...but I have not found those moments (more due to working during the week really than not seizing the moments) but it is the romantic notions of what to do with the time...and then here we are two days from their return and I sit just trying to breathe it in and soak up the peace...but that peace still doesn't feel complete without them here...who knew that my peace in the world was no longer a quiet place but one filled with shouts, questions, snarky comebacks, running, singing, and shuffling...

Now onto the other thing that has been occupying my very busy mind... I have been looking at some big life change. I am a huge chicken in the world of change. I do not take chances. I do not take large leaps of faith. I like it ordered. I am a worst case scenario planner. I cling to the security of what I already know. I do not gamble. Yet I am looking at a big leap. I have been told "Oh you will never do it..." Which, in the the past I think would have been very true!! But something in me has changed too...I am starting to believe I may just be able to take the leap. That I really am good enough to succeed. That I have the power to get what I want and need in the world to fill me up on all levels of my world. That I really can put us all in a good place for growth and discovery. I would be lying if I said this didn't make me scared though. I mean all the huge things that come with it all...you know big life change doesn't come neatly wrapped with a lovely bow and gift wrap!! It comes in faith and belief and listening to all the inner voices that say what you may not want to hear because sometimes those voices are shouting for you to let go of your comfort zone and try it!!

The Irishman and I are not flighty folks who put too much stock in signs and cosmos interference. But right now you would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to think the world wasn't trying to pave this path for us right now. And quite frankly it FREAKS me out!!! Randomly and everywhere we turn...on labels, on TV, in overheard conversations in stores and parties...it is there... I really feel that if we turn our back on it all the universe will give up on us completely...throw up it's hands and say "I sent you the boat..."

So, I am trying to make sense of it all. I am trying to start taking the steps to follow the signs. And I am woken early in the morning thinking of the magnitude of it all. My thoughts are full with what ifs? and how do I's? And now that I have let in the possibility of it all how do I cope if it doesn't happen? How do I get through that feeling? I don't open up to hope easily so when I do it could be a hard fall if all the steps and daydreaming and making lists in my head end up being for nought. And with this possibility how do I not live my life at arm's length till it all sorts itself out? And what this comes back around to is me being so very bad at living with balance. Keeping all things even and level and peaceful inside myself have never been a personality strong point for me. All or nothing kind of girl I think, which as with everything has its pros and cons. I am a work in progress! So my head is full and my heart is hopeful, and I am a ball of emotions of all sorts. I will just keep listening to the voice and see where life takes me. I still have to work on the faith part of the equation though. The idea it will all be okay and work out just as it should is so hard for me but I will keep working on it. Think that may be why my "word" for the year was LET GO!!!! Sigh...

Upside down yoga girl...

2009-07-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

I am so behind in my postings so today you get two! One day in our kid's yoga class, Bronwyn and I were the only two students so our instructor pushed us a bit farther in our practice...and as you see my little yogini has really taken to the challenge. She asks me nearly every day to help her up into headstand. I on the other hand was unable to get up into the pose in a clumsy fit of giggles. I must say since Bronwyn and I began the yoga journey, she has been much better about incorporating her practice into her day to day life. I could really learn something and pick up some discipline from this 8 year old yoga girl! She is mindful and gets out her yoga cards I picked up for her in Portland and rolls out her mat and does her own sequence...she is a very wise lady and my hopes are that this gives her the outlet in the world for all the little annoyances and big ole worries. Because with being so wise comes worries that seem bigger than her 8 years. She internalizes a lot of the ick the world puts out there and finds a way to fret about it all. She has a big ole heart and worries about us all. So I hope that her yoga will give her perspective and some coping. A tool to help her survive herself. So that all the bad could happens in the world are replaced with the now and calm and the being in the world.

Eating Out...

2009-07-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

Our front porch has become my favorite place to eat out...and I am a little sad that it has been so busy that we haven't done nearly enough of that. I like to experiment and try new recipes and soak in the fresh produce I get in the CSA and farmers market. But this summer has been a dud for me to experiment and try I just have been down and exhausted mentally and physically. But I cherish the moments when life slows down just enough and we can all have a seat and enjoy a really lovely meal...this offering was pancetta, free range eggs, farm tomato, organic lettuce and some wasabi mayo with coffee and a splash of orange juice. I feel truly rich to be sitting there with my table cloth, candles, and flowers from the garden...just watching the world pass us by!

Girl of Summer

2009-07-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

Ella looked like summer today in her colors and with her blonde hair, blue eyes, and little hint of a tan...and her sassiness was ever present today as well! So, she posed again as I messed with her. I love that goofy little smile with all the craziness of the teeth new and old. I love this girl's sense of humor. She has the world's wickedest wit, don't forget she is only 5!! I actually think there is only one person who might give her a run for her monely with that and that would be her Daddy!! But even though I try, I have trouble holding back the laughter when Ella looks at the world and gives you her opinion... and oh will she ever give you her opinion...now we try to teach some tact...so even though I was home for not so good reasons I am grateful that I had this time with my sassy little lady to enjoy some giggles and laughter on the front porch. These really are good days!

Who'd a thunk??

2009-06-29T18:13:00.001-07:00

Ok so here is the thing...I have been running. The one activity I have always said that I would never ever ever do. No one looks like they are happy running. They look pained and tortured, as do I now. Do I do it because it feels good...most definitely not! Do I do it because I am good at it...most definitely not! Do I do it because I think I am going to run marathons...not in this lifetime! I do it because it pushes me to reach and get out of my comfort zone. It challenges me. It so very much challenges me. But having started to face up to and meet that challenge head on I feel empowered. I feel strong and able and like yes I can! That is a very good feeling to have I must say! This running came as a symptom of a competition at work to lose weight. I had to try to increase my activity more than walking because results were slim... I am making big life changes. I have shifted my eating habits and totally increased my exercise and guess what????!!! It has started to work. Not in a big fast way but in a way I can maintain and continue on with. I have lost 7 pounds in 6 weeks. I am proud of this because I did this the right way and in a sustainable healthy way. I feel strong and like I may be able to do anything...like maybe I can make other changes as well...we shall see!! Portland anyone?

The Sinclair Family

2009-06-25T20:14:00.001-07:00

So once upon a time, there was a man named John and a woman named Isabel. It was 1926. They decided to build a house on a street in a town in Michigan. Well those two people went on to have 8 children who had children who married etc and so forth.

Well in 1996, a couple buys their first house and with this house comes a history about the Sinclairs with a picture of the 8 children on the front lawn. Intrigue and curiosity but forgotten with life as it came and went and changed. Flash ahead with me to 2006 a preschool and a mother and her daughter. Laughs and chit chat had then mother takes daughter to new preschool connection lost. Then 2009...kids yoga class mother and daughter reappear more chat ensues then there is facebook and some social gatherings with mutual friends and then finally the conversation..."You do not live in the big white house do you?" "Why yes I do?" "My father in law grew up in that house." Which brings us to today.

Today we had the honor of hosting the four remaining Sinclair children, a few spouses and a few children, and grandchildren and great grandchildren in our home, well their home really. It was an amazing day and lifted our hearts to hear all the memories and be greeted with hugs and kisses from a wonderful family who were so happy to be "home" again.

They wandered all around looking and peeking and remembering and my favorite brings tears to my eyes quotes was when one of the ladies (names are a blur to me right now) was coming down the stairs and she said "How many times has my hand come down this bannister?" I was really delighted that we could be part of this and see them all.

They said it was a happy house. A good place to grow up. And that there was always a lot of dancing in this house. Which funnily are things that people still say about our home. They always feel content here and there is always dancing!!

And to think several of them were born in what is now my bedroom is pretty darn powerful if you ask me!

This house has always been my gift and treasure. I love it's angles, it's quirks, it's history and the fact it had a story. I have always hoped to honor that story and add only good to it and today I had confirmation that in fact we really truly are. Thank you Sinclair Family for sharing your memories and reunion with us and hopefully there will be many more for us to witness!!

Faces...

2009-06-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

There are days when the light hits right, and the ladies are game, that I have them make all their faces...just keep changing it out as I snap the camera, of course some turn out and others blur but oh the giggles we share while they take a turn hamming...I will miss these days!

My girl...

2009-06-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

My girl got her very first haircut today. Yes she is in fact 8 yrs old. But that is the way with really curly hair. You can't even tell it is really long because it boings up! So my lovely lady has asked me for a couple of months to get a haircut. I hemmed, I hawed, I tried to pretend I forgot...but then I realized I had to let go. I had to let her have some say. I had to trust her and her image of what she saw for herself. So she and I wandered over to Clare to see my guru Trisha. I am not sure Bronwyn slept much last night. When I went to check on her she looked like it was Christmas Eve not haircut eve. She was a little excited and worried and concerned. A quote, "You have told me my whole life to not let anyone have scissors around my head and now you tell me to let someone have scissors around my head. It freaks me out." She is very wise my girl! And I am not certain I have ever specifically said "don't let anyone have scissors around your head" but that is what stuck in her 8 yr. old brain. But the results are wonderful and what made it even more wonderful was the smile that came up onto that stunning little face. It came from her very deepest inside and she looked happy, glowy, pleased, and proud. Now that is a haircut!!! Don't you wish everyone you got could evoke all those feelings!! That would be worth the tip! And my little lady even asked Trisha to straighten her crazy curls just so she could see what it would be like for a couple of days to have straight hair! And look at her...she hardly seems the same girl...I think I brought home the wrong kid. This older looking child could not possibly be my first born...sigh...alas it is...in all her beauty inner and outer she is mine and I like many other parents have not yet figured out to hold back time...Congrats Bronwyn on your vision and instinct you were right on the nose!!

Fortunate...

2009-05-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

We first took B's picture in this tree when she was a baby and now...
they can get down themselves...

We found a turtle hanging out on the bank of one of the ponds...

The girls call these Teletubby hills and roll and run down them...

Ella takes a pause to watch a wedding. She was hoping to see the

kissing part...

And our Bronwyn of the amazing eye, took this awesome photo of a poppy...

We are so very fortunate that at the end of our street is Dow Gardens. We can go there any old time and have a wander and an adventure and wander the trails and pretend we are someone and someplace else other than at home. It feels like we are always making some sort of discovery when we are there. So today I feel very grateful and fortunate that I live where I do and that my family enjoys simple days together.

Relax and Restore

2009-05-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

So today I had a home day. I breathed in and out. I sat on the porch and blissed out to the sound of the windchimes and the feel of the wind. I cradled my coffee mug and devoured my magazines. I took a bicycle ride downtown to restore with some yoga and see friends who love me anyway. I came home and then rode to pick up the Elder Statesman at school. And then I crafted and created a lovely, healthy dinner in the kitchen. I even managed desserts today. I will say today has been exactly what the body and mind needed. A day off. Really and truly off. It made me feel alive again and might I say completely happy!

I want...

2009-05-10T12:32:00.000-07:00

Ok so here is a list of what I want...

I want gorgeous blossoms on every corner...

I want breathtaking views or mountains daily....

I want funky doughnut shops...

I want a farmer's market that you can buy a complete

meal, have a snack and be entertained...

I want to have restaurants that serve yummy
responsible food...

I want to be able to wander into the beauty of nature...

I want fabulous coffee that is also art...

I want, no really it is need, to be able to easily get to the sea...

So what I am really saying is that I need to be back in Portland. Who knew that package of everything that brings me joy could be all wrapped up in one place...

Happy Mother's day to all the mommies out there! You all work so hard and accomplish so much! Hoping you get a day all your own!

Can I help?

2009-04-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

Ok so just about any time I make my way into the kitchen to sort out a meal...I can guarantee one or both of my lovely ladies will be there saying... "Can I help?" Tonight, I truly wanted to growl and say no way get out of the kitchen...I just need to get this all done...but somehow I found the patience (from way down deep!) to find something for both of them to do and still manage to get dinner finished. They chopped, they stirred, they sauteed, they processed, they spread, they layered, they set the table, and then best of all they ate! So vegan lasagna and chocolate pudding were what the ladies helped put together this evening! I made soda bread and cinnamon scones. It went well with only a few shooings of Ella the monkey child who was trying to hang from the counter by the bubbling pudding...

And our other big update...Ella lost another tooth. This time she lost during the high school play we went to Friday night. The Irishman and I think she is trying to see how many different places she can lose them! And still the tooth fairy was not allowed to have the tooth! I think soon the tooth fairy may do a raid while Ella is out and reclaim her loot, otherwise I am going to be really creeped out with the container o'teeth!

I have so many pictures to post and wee stories to tell but life has just been stepping on me a bit and I am really and truly TIRED. So soon I will catch you up and regale you with stories of dinosaurs, picnics, tea in the parlor, cute babies and friends. But for now I am going to go find my jammies!

Amazing...

2009-04-12T20:09:00.001-07:00

So this lady, the one I find myself butting heads with the most (only because we are so very much a mirror of one another), has days like today where she not only amazes me but astounds me. She is just so far beyone what I could hope she would be in her 8 year old self. She connects with us, she eases through a day that could be hard, she is kind to her core, she is wise, and she just gets what you are saying and more. She sees beyond the words you try to instill and actually gets the backstory. Today, on the heels of a trip to Grandma and Grandpa's with all the tiredness that usually brings and with me sicker than I can remember being in recent memory, she pulled together this complete package of loveliness. She "made" us breakfast this morning of apple and pear salad and cereal. She pampered me and checked on me and even offered me an ice pack for a raging headache...she was all things incredible. And to top off all this inner awesomeness, I looked at her today and she took my breath away. She is stunning. Truly beautiful. Isn't it amazing how you can live with your children every day and sometimes still be surprised by something you see everyday. But she is just such a beautiful soul in and out and I am so very lucky to be part of who she is becoming!!

Wibbly

2009-04-11T13:34:00.001-07:00

Our friend Wibbly the tooth, who has been quite wibbly wobbly for months now finally came out! Well was forced out by Lady Ella in the car on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa's house just south of the exit for Angola, IN. He may be gone but his replacement was impatiently pushing through behind and is halfway through! Ella is delighted and although she said the Tooth Fairy was not getting her tooth and she was going to keep it forever, the Tooth Fairy did manage to leave her a whole entire dollar! She is very proud and can't wait to get on the tooth chart at school on Monday!! So long Wibbly!!! Thanks for all the smiles!!

Spring!!!

2009-04-06T07:59:00.001-07:00

Oh the taste of Spring...the sun, the blooms, the green, the building of Fairy houses...

We made it to Indy for our Spring Break and we were astonished at all the green...the grass, trees, flowers...we are so far from that in Michigan...still brown and the plants just trying to poke through the ground.

So after our day in the car, see the impossible game of Interstate Bingo, and the thumb wrestling in the back seat...we spent the day Saturday enjoying the outside. The girls played in the sandbox, burying dolls, and building a fairy house out front, picking dandelions and playing basketball...the warmth of the sun!!!!!

We have had visit's with my cousin and his family and my Aunt's and a trip to the Children's museum and now the Irishman and I are out for a day of us...so the longer I dwell here the shorter our time out!!

Although our sun was short...it was snowing this morning...but still warmer than Michigan...so Happy Spring!!!!

Reading Monster...

2009-03-26T18:42:00.000-07:00

So we have a reading monster in our house...she is slight and fair with lovely blue eyes and a wicked sense of humor...she is quick and has boundless energy...a dervish if you will...always chatting always buzzing...but there are times, albeit few...when she lights and takes her book with her...her favorite is an old Dick and Jane book I found at a thrift sale years ago and loved the old illustrations, it was well loved before it entered our home and now that she has discovered it it is her companion often marked with a stray sock or a baby doll blanket but all the more loved by our little reading monster!!

MIA

2009-03-23T15:07:00.001-07:00

Creepy face and hands Ella did in the nails!

She shrieked when she started pedalling and the bones appeared!

Bronwyn during the twister...

The rock wall...

B checks out the scales...

With much arm twisting (yeah right) the girls got me to eat at Seva
this is my yam fries, grilled veggie w/goat cheese wrap and

black bean chili...coupled with homemade lemonade...woo hoo!!

Ella figures out how the light switch works...

Our favorite store and mandatory stop...

B in a hurry to get inside the museum...

Ok so if you have been thinking I was MIA...you were ( I am sad to say) correct. My old laptop had decided to begin the dying process, screen first. The Irishman very kindly hooked it up to an old monitor we had, which occupies almost half the kitchen table I might add, so I could at least keep checking on all things important, you know email, facebook, and grocery ordering...but sitting out there on hard chairs in the cold was not really enticing...I did a lot of reading in my break!! So I missed being here, unable to load photos to the old laptop for fear of losing them I was quieted. And oh the things we have been up to and into since! But the biggest and most recent was Friday's visit to Ann Arbor. It was an all girl event as we left the Irishman home to use power tools and oddly get a sunburn on the back of his baldy little head... I was a little worried without his back up. I mean I had a Trader Joe's run to make and thinking with the ladies sometimes doesn't happen really well. Especially when you are trying to think of every single thing you might want from there for the next few months, we sadly do not have a store near us and it is a 2 hr. event to get to that one! Plus, I have been in physical therapy for a bad shoulder...so this could have been a bad day out...but just when you doubt and think this will take a miracle, you realize that your kids are really awesome! I mean truly I couldn't have hoped for anything to have been any better. And you had better be sitting down for this one...Ella LISTENED the first time she was told not the 8th! It was a miraculous outing! And Bronwyn mommy-ed me the whole day. She carried things and checked on me and fretted...she is way older than me for sure! I am also amazed that given a choice my ladies pick the greatest places to eat! They were insistent we eat at Seva (a vegetarian restaurant) and that we get something to eat later at Whole Foods... and to think they were torn between Seva and Jersualem Gardens (middle eastern food)...I love that about them!! We also got a visit to Peaceable Kingdom in which has great little toys and good Kitsch...we also got a quick trip to ultra cool Crazy Wisdom for a candle and incense restock! We had a couple of hours play time at the museum before exhaustion began to hit but the lovelies handled my shopping extravaganza really well. And of course I followed through with the Whole Foods feeding that I had promised. We had such a great day. And in the car on the way home they were completely slappy but in a giggly way...I love giggles and gibberish!

Hamming

2009-02-19T15:12:00.000-08:00

Ella had part of her menagerie down in the living room today. She also was in a picture mood and wanted me to take pictures of her faces and all her animals! Ella has always been a stuffed animal girl. There are times when she gets in her bed that we can't find Ella for all the animals (think ET in the closet) but you cannot take them off the bed she knows exactly who should be on there and will go searching for someone if she thinks they have gone missing. So today I snapped away while she felt like posing and captured her little arrangement of friends including Ellie her new addition of a really wonderful pillowlike stuffed Elephant that I fell in love with sitting by her ownself in the clearance section of the grocery store. Oh and after the hamming came a big ole tickle fest!!!

Sometimes when...

2009-02-18T14:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when someone says something shocking or surprising you just naturally make a funny face...and sometimes when that happens mom is on hand with a camera...She just makes me laugh...

Big ole purple chair...

2009-02-17T14:53:00.000-08:00

Ok so many moons ago, when the house was still new (to us that is!) I went to a furniture store searching for a chair. It had to be comfy, it had to be big enough to lounge in, to curl up in, and most of all to read in. Which meant I sat upside down, legs over arms, feet into corners, in many a chair before I found this one... It was in a clearance center, a special order no less, so once it came in the color didn't work for the people who had ordered it. It was too unique...enter one artsy fartsy wanna be!! Plus it took a special place in the world being as it is what is termed a chair and half...which equates to honking huge chair!! So I contemplated and I went home and brought the Irishman to investigate...because chairs that fit me rarely fit him due to a bit of a difference in leg lengths! And it worked and he wasn't off put by it's purpleness... So my big ole chair came home to live in our blue room. When I met the chair I had visions of lazy, rainy days sprawling watching drops trickle down the windows, days snuggling up with a great book, and even then I had visions of a place I would one day gather with children and be able to both fit and read together...this was way before I had even thought that I may even want children...but there was that glimmer and idea...and now every time I find one little person (albeit some not so little any more) clambering up on my lap with a stack of books I get a heart full of warmth and feel good. It just makes me happy...especially when I walk through and see the little person sprawled across the chair reading her very own book by herself!!!!

The last photo is my Christmas present from John finally hung in the kitchen window!! I love sun shining through glass balls!!

Ella Cooks...

2009-02-16T17:17:00.000-08:00

Ella's lasagna...

Bronwyn absorbed in eating...

Big smiles for the camera time...I am so lucky!!

Ella's big smile...the orange color around her

mouth is not lasagna however...it was from the

huge carrot she ate earlier!

Bronwyn's lovely big smile...

Ella insisted on helping me make dinner tonight. She sauteed veggies and mixed the cottage cheese and seasonings, she layered the lasagna itself...she chattered and she told me how much she loves being in the kitchen with me. She kept pretending we were getting ready for a party! How lucky am I to share time doing something I love with someone I think is amazing?!! The sunshine was a welcome addition to our dinner as well. After we followed it up with a little kitchen dancing... I think family kitchen dancing is one of my all time favorite activities!

Valentine's Surprise

2009-02-14T16:57:00.001-08:00

Bronwyn made us salads...

The Irishman made his fabulous veggie pot pie...

I got a goodie basket and tulips!!

Bronwyn set the table complete with place cards...

It was lovely!

Ella's new Valentine friend was eager for dinner...

Ella checked out her glass and fed the new stuffed friends...

So I came home from work today and the ladies were so excited. Their Dad and themselves had put together a Valentine's dinner. It was a lovely set up and great food and even treats! Dinner was followed by a movie and popcorn and a little nap for me!! So as Valentine's go it was a good one!!

Hope you all were surrounded by love and had some quiet moments with those who are important to you!

Me being amazing....

2009-02-13T13:05:00.000-08:00

I always wanted to play xylophone...for any reason...I would have knocked over small children for even time on a fisher price version...so now my time is limited to stolen turns on the one at The Hands On Museum...but I have flair...at least in my own mind!! LOL!! Hey I actually posted a video on here!!! Big ole day!!

Squamates...it is a word!!!

2009-02-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

Taking a break listening to some old time radio shows!

Bronwyn celebrates her Mammoth find!

Can't remember his name but that is in fact his head!! And his color was so vibrant!

I so would not like to meet the snake whose jaws could open this large!!

Bronwyn wanted me to take this to show how sad she was to see snakes had died so people could use their skins to make shoes, belts, and purses....future activist???

I love this guy!! One eye was looking at me the other at the Irishman!

Gecko foot!!

Ella matches some questionable looking tongues to the animal...

Nosy Lizard...

Bronwyn and the iguana...

So after school today, after the Valentine's parties, the great lunch at Cafe Zinc with the Irishman, after a stop at the library, the ladies asked to go to The Center For the Arts (conveinently located at the end of our street). The exhibit was for Snakes and Lizards and the ladies have been asking to go since they saw the first flyer about a month ago. This begging was definitely heightened by the appearance of a giant inflatable iguana on the top of The Center. So since there isn't any school for the ladies tomorrow and because we happen to have a members pass, we went...and it was just as amazing for the Irishman and I as it was the ladies. I must say the one I found most fascinating and creepy was the Mamba... if I was walking in the woods somewhere and saw it I wouldn't have been scared. It is a gorgeous vibrant green and has the cutest little face...it is thin and long and just not frightening. Yet this little lovely is extremely venomous!!! I would have been a goner for sure!!! The museum also had a motorcycle exhibit and Rodin sculptures that are touring... it was a nice evening!

The afternoon was saved by my friend Kate. The Irishman and I had scheduled an elegant little luncheon at a newer restaurant downtown that is not at all child friendly. But Ella's second half of school was cancelled because the teacher was sick...I was ready to be extremely disappointed but Kate saved the day. The restaurant was really lovely and every detail was perfection. It was designed like a French Bistro and I think it really has an older feel. It reminded me of a restaurant we would have gone to in NYC. And if you didn't know better you would swear it was a renovated older building not a completely newly built addition to a hotel!! The food was perfect...simple and well done, the service was fantastic...the selection of desserts/pastries was also fabulous, the prices were decent, and the feeling of getting away and escaping in this small town was priceless! We would definitely go back!! They even said the chefs work around dietary restrictions ie vegetarian Irishmen and can adapt and change recipes or menu items to suit!!!

So it was a day seized!! I also helped at two different Valentine's parties today and must say I am grateful I have two lovely ladies who more times than not are respectful, well mannered, and relaxed! Hope you all enjoy your Valentine's days and get to spend them with someone very special!!

Morning chat...

2009-01-31T18:04:00.000-08:00

So during a morning chat over cornflakes I snapped away the many faces of Bronwyn. These moments are the best. When she isn't hamming and doesn't even notice the camera in my hand, and she just is. I love the things she says, the things she thinks are important right now, the things that she wants to know and the things that she asks. These times are important in our world and in her growth. I hope she will always feel safe and comfortable enough to sit with me and just talk!!

I missed it...

2009-01-30T06:47:00.000-08:00

OOOPS I missed my "blogiversary" I have had this blog up for over a year now!! When I started I never thought I would like the experience enough to keep going but now I look forward to snapping photos and recording a little of our world...here is to another year!!!

Surprise...

2009-01-30T06:16:00.000-08:00

So coming home from taking the ladies to school, I find this happy snow friend smiling out at me...a nice surprise on a chilly Michigan morning!!

I also got this little quip on a calender a friend gave me for my Birthday for women who do too much, and I really feel it is one of those things we let slip as wives, mothers, and really just as women...we spend so much of our days caring and tending and managing the worlds we move in that we forget to make time for wonder...

"Children can return us to wonder if we let them. We women who do too much need to exert great caution- perhaps even more than most people- not to lose wonder in our lives. It can slip away so quickly and so unnoticed."

I love the time after the girls have just gone to school when I get to come home and light candles and gather my books, grab a hot beverage, and listen to the silence...well usually I would pick silence himself has on RTE News on the ipod this morning which I must say is killing a little of my peace...but this morning calm is something I treasure and makes me smile and brings me a heartful of contentment and puts my crazy world in perspective... Yeah spirit!!!!

And the best part of the time while the ladies are in school...

Is time with this guy!

Shoofly...

2009-01-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

So my little lady Bronwyn has been asking for months and months for me to make a Shoofly pie and some spinach artichoke dip. She had heard Ella Fitzgerald's song Shoolfy pie and wanted to know if it was in fact a real pie... after some research we discovered it in fact was a real pie. It was easy to put together, although to this day I cannot stand the smell of molasses!, and it was so incredibly yummy that it is nearly all gone! A complete success and thankfully the Elder Statesman can say she has in fact had Shoofly Pie, now I wonder how long before she asks for Apple Pan Dowdy??

While making the crusts, thanks to the Irishman and his infinite patience, I decided to initiate my new individual pie plates for quiches! Those too turned out lovely and were fun to have a smaller version of the same!

Ella got to help the Irishman roll out crusts, she loves to be in the kitchen! But it was very hard to photograph the live action of it all.

Last night I got to go to a cooking class. It was for tailgate foods, and although I have next to zero interest in any sport that would have tailgating I am very into the foods that come with!! The chef showed us how to make coconut shrimp, Detroit style coney sauce, Bloody Mary's wisconsin style, All day potato salad, and a few other dishes but those were the best. The all day potato salad was incredible, and I am not a potato salad fan! And last night I made the leap to big girl real cooking and bought a quality knife!!!!!!! I am delighted! This is supposed to be your first purchase for a well equipped kitchen and it has been the one I have put off the longest. Our knives wouldn't cut butter with ease so this is such a gift! Cutting the veggies for quiche tonight was a lovely experience! I feel so rich!!!

I have book club this evening, we are discussing Little Women. I made it to yoga today and then got to have coffee with a good friend so feel like this has been a very good day indeed, yoga, coffee, friends, kitchen time, good eats, and books...oh yeah it was a good day!!!

She's back and he is down...

2009-01-18T09:06:00.000-08:00

Ella is back in her form...posing and performing and laughing and talking...and waking me up at 6:47am to check and see if it was morning yet...telling about her Teddy Bear's adventures in the washing machine...her tummy growling so loudly it made us laugh and brought up talk about grizzly bears...and her breaking into a bit of the Spice Girls song Tell me what I want...which left me laughing so hard my face hurt...

On the other end of the spectrum...the Irishman awoke at 2:43am to begin his journey with the bug...which I am still hoping will not take down Bronwyn and I this week...particularly since I have tickets to see The Killers on Thursday...so more tea, trash cans, BRAT foods...and bleach and hot laundry!!

Wishing you all continued health!!!!

Whirlwind

2009-01-17T08:50:00.000-08:00

Life lately has felt like a whirlwind...we have Birthday partied, the ladies have been sick the littlest one has had the dreaded stomach flu that is making its rounds...so between the party prep, the cleaning, the decorating, the baking, and all the laundry accumulated due to the bug life has seemed to be zipping past...so posting here has been very low on the prioity list and even today I feel uninspired with not the right words to convey all I have in my head! So here are some pictures of our journey...

The cake, vanilla and chocolate...

The eight year old with her pre-fiesta food set up...

Fiesta banner that surrounded the living room...

The cupcake tower...

The Grandparents made it to the party...

Birthday cake silliness...

Her new blanket from Stacey...we are a bit horse crazy...
We had a pinata and the house survived the experience...

Ella has a go...

My sad little monkey, couched...

As much as I say Ella is so busy and feel like i spend half my days saying "Ella stop" "Ella settle down" "Ella no", there is no way ever that I want to see her like this...unable to get off the couch and so very quiet... taking little sips of tea and unable to eat without getting sick...nope as much as I would welcome a little calm in our days this is not how I want it to happen...luckily she made it through last night with no episodes and is chatting a bit more than she has in the past few days so hopefully she is coming out the other side of it all and hopefully none of the rest of us find it...

Hoping the rest of you are staying warm and having a healthy start to your new year!

So...

2009-01-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I was out sorting out car repairs and buying Birthday Party supplies, and while I was away John took the ladies to meet friends at the park for some ice play...I come home to find bloody coat, bloody cloths, and an injured Bronwyn. She took a spill unfortunately head first and the ice won. Fortunately no stitches were required and as witnessed by the next few photos she has made a full recovery!

I love the mornings where I can hear the girls playing and imagining and creating. This morning I went into their room to find a whole set up on Ella's bed and the two of them very engaged in a tale. I love the giggles and happy sounds and the light was so good... days are good!

I am a big New Year's girl. That said I will confess I didn't even make it up to see the New Year in! I love the possibilities, the fresh, the hope that a New Year brings, a fresh start. A new opportunity to be more of the person I want to be. A chance to begin again and make choices in a better way to fill my life and my world with only those things and people who lift me up and help me on my path to being an improved version of me. The New Year is also a time to let go. Let go of grudges, and stuff, and relationships that are not positive. It is a time for me to let go of those things that do not fit into the world and home I hope to create. In the way I hope to continue to grow.

So every year I clean and cleanse areas of my home that are the most significant and fill them with hopes of happiness and peace and get rid of any ick that may have clung from the past. I meditate, I burn incense, I burn candles and I visualize all that letting go. I also change the rugs by the doors (more visualization) , I clean the doors (opening up the chance for growth and positive), I clean some of my closet letting go once again of things that do not make me feel like the me I think I am, I change all the beds including all the covers and quilts wrapping myself in fresh ideas and feelings of safety. And I try to get rid of all the no longer needed things so as to rid our home of some of the old so there is more room for the new and the growth I hope the year can bring.

I have yet to make my goal list. I do not do resolutions or things I know may set me up to fail but try to set goals of things I want to see happen in the new year. I have a pretty good success rate as I tape them into my kitchen cabinet so I can see them daily to remind me to make time for the change. Last year, one of my biggest was Yoga!! And I did it! So we will see what this year brings!!

Many wishes to you for peace and letting go and for your new beginnings!

Afters...

2008-12-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

The afters of Christmas at our house are a dance party...we have everyone make some song requests (including the kids) and we make a playlist and let it take over. Our living room becomes a dance floor!

Me and the Irishman...

Cupid shuffle...

Kate and Lenny...

Matt and Margaret (parents of The Fuzz)...

The Fuzz entertains us with some guitar samplings... (he signed autographs after!)

Auntie T became a great place to crash!

Tyler busted it out...

Sylvie and Bronwyn rocked it...

Ella showed us some pre-party style...

And during all the excitement and dancing my Ella pirouetted herself right into a bench, unfortunately mouth first...so what were teeth that were "preparing" to loosen and come out (they had been hurting her for a while and she had been telling us everyday she thought they were loose), one of them is actually now loose and with her constant touching and checking will probably be out before she goes back to school. I am not ready for my baby to begin loosing teeth...I am not ready to see this yummy little face change and transform into it's next self...so this morning while we were having breakfast I snapped some photos of her with teeth in tact. She and I had a lovely little morning as she chatted and discussed the impending tooth loss. She has a funny view of the world that I enjoy hearing. It was nice to get some time alone just she and I admidst what has been quite a bit of chaos!

And finally, we are hoping for some more Christmas Miracle as I ask for your thoughts and prayers and wishes for healing for my Uncle John as he fights his way through some big battles! He is a beautiful soul and I hope to keep him around for a bit longer!

CHRISTMAS!!!

2008-12-25T09:57:00.001-08:00

Down they came...(luckily it was 8am!)

Yes she got straws for Christmas!! And she was happy about it!!

Let the play begin, lots of horses to be had!!

The best gift!!! She made my Beetle in school!!

My witches ball...

Another lovely ornament made in school!

This is actually a typewriter for the dolls!

B's sewing box! She did get her sewing machine and has been sewing all morning!

And the Irishman got a lovely new hat straight out of Fargo...should I be scared he has the expression to match??? Hmmm...

And Ella got her Kit Kittridge hat...

I have dinner on and have hopes of having two girls and their other halves over for dinner and am making dinner for the guys working at the tower today...and then let there be dancing!!

So hope everyone's Christmas is filled with awe, joy, and peace today. Hope you all have plenty and find a little something to be grateful for this holiday season!!

Decadence

2008-12-19T13:15:00.001-08:00

Quote from my Yogi tea today "The only tool you need is kindness"

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." - Mother Teresa

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do." -Edward Everett Hale

So I am having a day of total decadence...you see that top photo, that in fact was my lunch today! Marietta's and butter, chocolate covered edamame, chocolate covered blueberries, and a lovely square of Paul Newman's dark chocolate and espresso (thank you Michelle!!), and a cup of yogi tea. I felt so very special as I climbed into what the Irishman titled my nest in my big ole purple chair by the tree on this snowy day. I was surrounded by candles, incense, tea, beautiful ornaments (I always put my most favorites on the side by the purple chair!!), blankies, and new reading Mary Janes Farm magazine (www.maryjanesfarm.org) which I just discovered at a seasonal trip to one of my favorite stores yesterday (Tractor Supply Company). If you have never looked at any of her books they are really lovely and full of information and ideas and recipes...but be prepared you may want to chuck it all and move to a farm.

I have all ingredients set out for cookies, that I have yet to toddle my way into the kitchen to bake but will make sure to do today, it feels like a cookie day! And I need to make something a little heartier than chocolate for dinner! I am thinking lasagna or black bean and sweet potato burritos, maybe both that would cover food for the weekend!!

Hope all are enjoying their Friday's. And hopefully all are safe and a little less buried than us with our foot of snow (did I mention it is still snowing!) Although, I am finding it delightful to watch out the window and really pleased that I could stay snuggled in my nest today and not have to skate to work!!

One more

2008-12-16T19:53:00.000-08:00

One more trip to the Santa house completes our family visit for the year. And this round Mrs. Claus was home! Ella wants a fairy doll and stuffed animals. B wants a child's sewing machine...and John and I just want some time...I think the girls are more likely to find their wishes granted than John and I but it would be nice...just me the Irishman and a nice dinner and some coffee...I miss him sometimes!!

Hope all your wishes come true this season. But you have to believe!!